{Note: These are not all my thoughts, and in fact, the main overarching lesson that I learned this year is so hard to put into written words, that I didn't even write about it in this recap post! I'd be happy to try to explain it in person. :) However, I still hope that the little snippets of battles, lessons, tests, and graces that I ran into will be an encouragement to you in this story. 😊}
"Now disembarking: EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Please exit to your left."
That's how I usually feel stepping off the National Bible Bee Competition.
Surprisingly, this year, what I'm feeling the day after we got home from nationals, is peace. A deep-rooted calm, a knowing relationship with God, and a steady gratitude.
The thing that was odd about this year was... that it was not odd:
✨ I had the entire summer to study.
✨ I didn't get sick.
✨ I didn't experience a "miracle" perfect oral award gift like last time.
✨ I didn't get 4th.
✨ I didn't decide not to compete.
This year was "normal." I started the study when everyone else did, and from start to finish, there wasn't much that was "unexpected." From the outside, you might be tempted to say that it was all sort of under my control this year.
But one of the biggest things I learned this year was that, even if it looks like I may have put in --x-- and got out --z--, it is not of he who works or runs, but God who gives the increase. And not just the increase, but the seed, the soil, the sun, and the rain! Even one of my memory passages for this year said it so well:
"He brings low and lifts up."
It is God who performs all things for me. (Ps. 57:2.)
I almost didn't compete this year. After the beautiful way that God worked in my life last year, all I wanted to do is soak myself in memorizing and meditating through the rest of the Psalms all year long. But there were two reasons why I decided to compete this year:
1) I realized that after I can't compete anymore, it will be really difficult to fit that much intense memorization into my life without the motivation of the competition. Also, I want to have a broad knowledge of the Bible, not just an intense knowledge of the Psalms.
2) When I voiced my consideration of maybe not competing this year, my dad said something like, "Oh no you don't! I want to go to Nationals!! You're not going to keep me from going to Nationals just because you don't want to compete! I want to see all my friends!" 😂😂
He had a point.
This year was "normal," but it was still an interesting year. We hosted again, and had our meetings at the park. My favorite thing about the summer study this year was the Senior group. We each got an opportunity to lead a meeting and each of us chose to focus on the spiritual side of the study and leave the rest of the week for studying the facts by ourselves. Because of this, we had many deep and meaningful discussions and long sessions of prayer, which were extremely spiritually enriching. Not only was "prayer" the sub-theme of the National Competition this year, it was also what I had chosen as my word of the year. Those were sweet times that I look back on with fondness. We did not waste our summer! We invested it well in diving deep into Scripture and spending time in prayer.
One of the most encouraging things I learned in the #biblebee this year, I think, was about Philip who "opened his mouth" and shared the gospel with the eunuch. (Thanks for the insight, Mrs. T.H.!) Studying the context of that verse, it seems that the reason he was able to open his mouth was because he was walking in the Spirit.
Another encouraging thing was seeing the difference in Peter after the Holy Spirit came at Pentecost. The guy who literally just denied that he even knew Christ immediately proclaimed, "Therefore, let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus whom you crucified both Lord and Christ!"
It doesn't seem like it was mustering enough courage that caused Philip to open his mouth, or giving himself a long pep-talk that caused Peter to share the gospel, but the Holy Spirit inside them both. I love how in the rest of the book of Acts, when someone speaks boldly, it's usually proceeded by, "Then Peter, full of the Holy Spirit," or "Then Saul... filled with the Holy Spirit," or "They were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the Word of God with boldness."
A good reminder for myself. :)
"Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16)
You know, I pray for evangelistic opportunities. And God always seems to answer when I am least expecting it. I drove my mom + sibs to the park for a picnic one day. While mom lay down and took a nap on the grass, I babysat the kids on the swing set. A very friendly and outgoing kid named Jackson came over and made friends with them while I was sitting very close by. So sweet. But oh, he had a foul mouth!! Every littler jitter or excitement would make him use our dear Lord's Name in vain. I asked God what to do.
The answer was clear:
"Tell him about who I am!"
"But! I haven't even met him yet!"
"He's a kid. Really? You're scared of a kid? 'I will speak of Your testimonies also before kings, and will not be ashamed.' Philip opened his mouth."
"Okay, yes, Father, I'll open mine too."
"Hey Jackson, you seem to say "God" a lot - do you know who God is?"
Boom! Divine appointment. I've never talked to someone so open and understanding to the gospel before. While driving home, I told mom that it seemed like God was calling Jackson. After talking, it seemed like he "got" who God was - although he already seemed to have a decent knowledge... he told me, "Oh, I've always known that there had to be a God" - what He was like, what sin is and what it is like to God, why He must punish it, and how good He is to die for us and take that punishment on Himself instead. Join me in praying for Jackson, would you? He doesn't remember having a dad, and I wish that God would be his heavenly Father.
I was especially happy on top of happy because the theme for this year's competition had been "witness" and I had been specifically praying for an opportunity to witness before the summer ended. :)
Someone once told me that if we pray according to God's will, He will always answer. Oh wait, there's a Bible verse that says that, right?
"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."
(1 John 5:14-15)
Someone once told me that, regardless of how often we interact with strangers, if we have the heart for sharing the gospel with others, he will make sure to bring those opportunities to us, because the gospel being shared is according to His will. And I have found this to be true!
Studying *was* a bit more difficult than usual for one special reason this year... my brother (who happened to be the main cook in the house at the time!) got married!!!
Photo by The Bridal Booth.
So I stepped into his shoes as the current resident chef. And, at the perfect time, my mom got extremely sick with pneumonia just about two weeks before the wedding. XD With tons of wedding details to finish up, our cousins and grandpa staying with us, the garden ripe for harvesting and needing to be canned, my brother unable to cook with his working, and my mother needing hourly nursing, needless to say, I did not get any studying done at all those two weeks. (So many people helped us out in so many ways those weeks, too, we are so grateful!!) But I crammed majorly the last week and eagerly waited for the results.
My dad came in one night and told me everyone else's score. I figured I must have done especially well if he was holding my ranking out for the last!
"Dad, what did I get?!"
"Um... I don't remember, actually! Let me go look."
Oh well, if it wasn't very memorable, I probably didn't get in the top 15. 😂
"You were 49th."
Hm, really? Okay! Well, I was very grateful to qualify!
So I began working on my passages.
I was pretty happy with my progress before Family Camp. We carpooled out with some friends, and I remember quoting all the passages I had memorized to Mrs. T.H. on the way up. I was farther along at that point than I usually am, which made me happy.
Still, I remember quickly realizing that I was going to have to be creative with finding time to study. I intentionally did my devotions instead of studying first thing in the morning. Then I did school all morning after breakfast, worked on projects/my photography business/our videography business after lunch, then would make dinner in the time that I would usually be studying. I used to take advantage of car rides to study, but can't anymore, now that I'm driving.
So, I took to my old friend, alignment. (Commonly mis-termed as "multi-tasking.") I would put my verses by the sink and memorize while I did the dishes. Or lean them up against a pot while I made dinner.
(Doing the dishes while memorizing my passages... how I memorized most of them this year!)
I had to be strict with myself, carry my verse cards everywhere, and use every spare minute to my advantage. I didn't always use it perfectly, though, to be honest, and a lot of times, I got distracted. As I look back over my planner, I see that a lot of things were going on, and honestly, if I hadn't done Bible Bee mostly while making dinner or washing the dishes most of the time, I don't think I would have made it. Some weeks were definitely more productive than others.
A happy thing happened around this time. My sweet sister-in-law and a dear friend, Mrs. T.H., started coming over and helping my mom tutor my younger siblings on their respective days. And it worked out that each of them would often stay for lunch and listen to me quote for about two hours. Usually Kate would listen to me quote on Thursdays, Mrs. T.H. on Fridays, and my sweet dedicated friend Jennifer at church on Sundays.
Wow. How can I ever repay them for investing that much time in me? No idea. That's why I am so grateful that the Lord repays each according to their deeds. I know He will do a good job in repaying them.
And so I studied. I remembered a photo album someone had given me to put recipe cards in... I wondered... would my verse cards fit? I tried them. They fit PERFECTLY. That photo album took care of some of the annual mental block that I have to studying, since it was so easy to carry around all my verses and flip through them now.
The photo-album-turned-verse-cards-album-and-life-saver. SO helpful!!
My system became like this:
1) Memorize a passage, verse by verse :)
2) Quiz myself on it 5 times, making sure I said it correctly each time.
3) Stick it away and move on with my life.
4) When I quote it to someone, I had to say it twice in a row perfectly before I could get a star. If I did, then they drew a star on the top of the card.
5) I tried to get 10 stars on each card before the competition.
It was a good system, and I did work pretty hard, but still I got behind, and about two weeks before the competition, I realized I still had all the New Testament passages left to memorize! 😬 Ideally, I would have had those DONE and quoted a couple times by that point! I did the math again, figured out how much I needed to memorize each day, and set at it with great diligence and determination.
This movie really encouraged, inspired, challenged, convicted, enlightened, and comforted me during my study period by the way. My family highly recommends it, and I personally think it's my favorite movie ever. I learned SO much from watching it. We believe that it is wholesome, God-glorifying, and family-friendly. (Though watch with your own discretion, of course!) It's one of my aspirations in life to become like the coach. I encourage you to watch it if you would like to! Honestly, it taught me a lot about strategy/how to study for Nationals, and made a big difference in my study this fall. Really enjoyable, too. :)
And that's what happened! I finished all my verses two days before we left. 😬😬😬 Thankfully, about half of them were perfect from quoting already, and most of the others were near-perfect. 🥴🥴
The last two weeks, I basically did nothing but memorize, quote, and cook. Since there was not always someone to listen to me for hours a day (I'm being sarcastic 😄) I made a lot of use of the iPad. I would quote into Voice Memos, listen back to myself, and check that I had said it perfectly by reading along with the recording.
I finished all my verses on Sunday night at midnight. 🤓🤓 Sunday, as in, two days before we left. 🤭
The next day I quoted all my verses to someone for the first time all in one day. 😐 That morning I chose Psalm 119:16 as my theme verse for Nationals:
"I will delight myself in Your statutes..."
The next afternoon, I had an appointment with my naturopath. 😊
"Um... are you a little stressed?" she asked.
"Maybe a little..."
(I'd been having stomach pain for about two weeks... right about the time when I had seriously dived into cramming.)
"Are you sitting for your meals?"
I suddenly couldn't remember the last meal I'd sat for. 😶
"Are you breathing through your diaphragm?"
I suddenly realized that my breath was caught in my chest. And it didn't feel weird, so I must have been doing it for awhile... about two weeks. Errrgh. 😶
"Katarina, you need to calm down," she said, laughing. "Take a few minutes before each meal and just settle down and breathe through your diaphragm." We practiced it right then and there, and I couldn't believe how much stress I felt like I was releasing. I realized then that my, "I can't take a second to eat, I can't sit down!" mentality was actually counterproductive. And I hadn't realized how stressed I actually was! Was it because I wasn't trusting God? I thought I had been. But regardless, I realized that it would be an act of trust in God to slow down and calm down, physically, and I would take that step by faith.
On the way home, I stopped by my sister-in-law's house to pick up a battery charger and told her what my naturopath had told me. "I like to lie down on my back for that," she told me. "It forces me to breathe through my diaphragm."
Hm! I tucked that knowledge away.
At 6:00 sharp, the T.H. family arrived, and by 6:30, we were driving away.
{At this point I actually have some thoughts I wrote down AT Nationals:}
Just an update. :) Trying to write bullet points of the things that have happened so far. :)
TUESDAY NIGHT: Left with the T.H. family. They were so kind as to let me quote to mom almost the whole way there. I got through most of my passages and finished them that night. I did a mock oral round with dad, and made a mistake. 😬 Wasn't good for my confidence, especially since I had been making lots of silly mistakes in my quoting that day, I think because it was near impossible to focus. But what could I do? So I went to bed. I had the entire next day to quote.
WEDNESDAY: After we registered, (saying hi to so many friends all day long!!) I quoted a few passages to my friend Janese and did TERRIBLY. I made so many mistakes that I hadn't made in forever, and made new mistakes I had never made. What was going on? Were my passages unraveling?! All I wanted to do was continue to quote all day long until I knew my passages were perfect, but the next thing on the schedule was the "National Bible Bee Games." And I have to admit, that was a lot of fun. We played relay games, word games, charades, etc. It was kind of an icebreaker to get to know other contestants. I did really enjoy it. Somehow, the team I was on ended up winning, too! When we got together for a picture, I was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible because I somehow always end up being the center of attention. The guy I was standing next to was on the Alumni Service Team, and he was holding the trophy. A lady came by and told him he wasn't allowed to hold it though, since he wasn't a contestant. She looked around. I tried to hide. "Hm, you," she said. I think I screamed. Oh well. It was fun to hold the trophy. :)
As soon as I was released, I ran back to the hotel and texted my friend Katie, asking if she would come over and listen to my verses. While I was waiting, I made use of my herbal toolkit because a lot of people were sick. Katie came over promptly and listened to me for two hours. That was SO good. She helped me insurmountably, just in focusing on how much I loved God's WORD, itself. We sometimes stopped each other after a passage and just said, "Aaah, isn't that so GOOD? Just unbelievable what God is saying to us in this passage!" At one point we even sang the doxology just because we couldn't help ourselves. :) It was a very worshipful experience, quoting to Katie. I made several mistakes still, but I knew that they didn't make sense, knew why they were wrong, and was able to weed them out in my mind. Even if I made a mistake, she only let me quote a passage twice, total. I think that forced my brain to really grasp the mistakes I was making and not rely on repetition. It also gave me a lot more confidence, since I knew that Katie knew what she was doing. (If I'm not mistaken, she's made it to either Semis or Finals every year she competed?) At one point I remember thinking, "If I make a mistake in orals tomorrow, that's totally fine. I am finding so much delight in just knowing God's Word itself."
I stole a picture of Katie listening to me. :):)
Then my friend Kailyn came over and listened to me for about an hour. (Thanks, Kailyn!) I finished all of my passages, I was so happy!
After that I ran up and got ready for the Opening Ceremony. Walking across stage is always fun, and I was so happy that they did T-shirts instead of polos this year. :D I tried to review some passages while waiting for my turn. 2 Timothy 1:8-12 was my favorite at the time, and I was just reveling in it.
All these dear, dear people!!! (We had so much fun!!)
Walking across stage!! :D
I met a really sweet girl and then ran back to the hotel again to do some mock orals with mom. Mrs. T.H. came over and volunteered to take over for mom so she could put the kids to bed. So sweet! So I did a mock orals with her and went to bed.
(Quoting on the floor after the Opening Ceremony.)
Photo Credit: Joseph W.
THURSDAY: Falling asleep wasn't too hard, thankfully, but I woke up at 5 a.m. with zipping nerves and a racing mind. I still felt like I hadn't really quoted through all of my passages perfectly. It would give me so much more peace of mind if I knew I had. So I started in Genesis right then and quoted all of my passages to myself before I woke up at 6. That was twice as fast as I had ever done it before! I was bothered by Mark 12:13-17 though... was it, "When they had come to Him they said," or "When the men had come to Him they said," or "When they had come they said to Him" or "When they men had come they said to Him"?? I couldn't remember, and it drove me nuts. So I got up, checked, and committed the correct way to memory.
At this point, I got out my journal and wrote:
"Don't have much time b4 orals, but wanted to document a few things:
1) While falling asleep last night, I wanted to again commend my orals to God, and He reminded me of a birthing webinar that I had taken a few weeks ago where I learned to "ride each wave as it comes." That's my battle plan for today.
2) This morning, I awoke with a song in my heart. I couldn't figure out which one it was, cuz just the end was running thru my head. But it was "Stand Up And Bless The Lord."
So that's what I think I'm going to try to do with my orals."
Daddy did another mock orals with me before we left, but he chose really long passages and I ran out of time on my last passage. That was a little unnerving, but I was sure they wouldn't choose such long passages in the actual round.
I had prayed specifically that I would be the last person to quote in my orals room this year. If I had to go first, I was pretty sure I would be too nervous because I didn't have enough time to gather myself together. So I was very blessed when I saw that I was the last person to go in my room. Thanks, God. ♥️♥️
A lot of people had told me they were praying that I wouldn't have any nervousness while waiting for my orals. That was *so sweet* and I really appreciated it, but one of the biggest lessons I learned actually came through my nervousness, (which I explain below) and I am so thankful that God allowed me to have it. I was honestly so nervous that I felt nauseous, waiting for my orals. I tried to settle in cozily and think and pray. Joshua Hooper, one of the Alumni Service Team members, talked with us almost the whole time, asking us random questions. It did help pass the time. It was odd, I felt like singing, "Stand Up And Bless The Lord" really loudly to help calm my nerves. But I couldn't, of course. So I just did what my sister-in-law told me to do, and lay down on my back so I could breathe through my diaphragm. It was pretty relaxing, to be honest. :)
Photo Credit: Ruth D., an Alumni Service Team Member, who apparently thought this was funny. XD
TWO things majorly helped me:
1) At Family Camp this year, one of the ladies said something that really stood out to me: "God doesn't part the Red Sea until you're there." I realized that I wasn't at the Red Sea yet, and the fact that I was nervous was not a sign that God was not going to part the Red Sea. Just that I wasn't there yet. I was still on shore. I realized that being nervous was not sinful in and of itself, unless I was nervous because I was trusting in myself and didn't know how I would do. But no, my trust was that God would be glorified like He promised in Psalm 46, and that I would delight in His Word. So that made me inwardly happy and I just rested in the promise that He would be glorified no matter what that looked like... perfect orals or no.
2) The birthing webinar talked a lot about mental preparedness. Genevieve, the host, said that in her first birth, she was dreading all of the rest of the contractions when she was in the middle of one, so the whole thing was a miserable experience for her and she didn't even realize that there were rests between contractions to take advantage of. What she learned is to 'ride each wave individually when it comes.' So I decided to ride each passage as it came to me and not think about or worry about the other passages when I was on a passage.
When it was my turn, it kind of felt surreal. Time slowed down and I didn't know which emotion to feel first. The room felt large, cold, and condescending. I heard a corporate-sounding ring or echo in the background. Here I was. Why did it feel so formal?! Why was it so silent?
Then a good thing happened. Taylor - he was my contestant judge and a friend, too - asked me, "Art thou ready?" 😄
I got it. It wasn't such a formal thing after all, if Taylor felt like he could speak old English to me. I laughed. That's right, it's not such a formal thing, they're just making it seem like it. Ride each passage as it comes. I started to pray, but Taylor held up the first card and started the 8-minute timer.
Psalm 40:9-10. What a great way to start an oral round. "I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness in the great assembly. Indeed, I do not restrain my lips, O Lord, You Yourself know. I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart, I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation. I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great assembly."
I had to start over on the second passage, (Daniel 7:13-14) but having gone through that whole thing last time, I didn't panic, but focused on each word and made it through perfectly... I thought.
I kept going until the last passage, which was Genesis 32:24-30. Eeeeeeks. One of my top three worst passages. I had worked for a long time trying to get all the "And he said," "But he said," "So he answered and said to him," "He said," "And he said," "So he said to him," "Then Jacob asked, saying," "And he said," etc.,'s down correctly. I think I had just gotten it down a couple days before. I had to really focus on this one, but I thought I got it correct.
When I was done, Taylor said, "Very good!" and I turned around with a sigh of relief, mostly for my mom's sake... who was in tears. :) "That was beautiful!!!!" she wept on my shoulder. Thanks, mom. :) Strangely, I felt just sort of normal. Sort of like, "Cool! Alright, let's go on a long beautiful walk through Covington!"
"Did you think you got it perfect??!" mom asked me as we left the room.
"Well, I think so! I don't know of any mistakes..."
Hesitantly, my mom ventured, "I think you might have made a mistake in Genesis 32:24-30..."
I wasn't worried though. "Um... no, I don't think I did. I had drilled that one especially, and I know I got it right." Mom wasn't so sure, but I was. But I told mom that even if I did make a mistake in orals, I didn't really care... I loved those passages, and now they were inside my head, and that was what mattered. And I was just so happy for it to be over and to have a feeling of having done a good job.
(Fellowshipping on the balcony after I was done with orals... at which point I said that all my health problems were now gone. :)
I loosened up and started talking to a lot more people. I had a substantial conversation with my good friend Kailyn George for a few hours up on one of the balconies. After that, I had this deep hunger to go read some Scripture, so I tried to disappear into a corner, but ended up having a very edifying conversation with Josiah Auerbach instead, which was totally worth it. One of the main things that stood out to me was that he told me he had studied for 6-10 hours a day over the fall, and was hoping to make it to semis but it looked like that might not happen after all. A thought struck me. "Wait a minute... you invested 6-10 hours a day in your relationship with the Lord! What's your ROI?" That conversation helped drill into me the purpose of the competition, and realize that each minute invested in Scripture is a minute eternally invested which is a far greater investment and will yield far richer dividends in the end than the competition ever could offer. To me, it didn't really seem like a terrible situation Josiah was in. XD (Not that he said he thought it was.) And man, I kind of wish I could have invested that much time in studying Scripture this fall!
Anyway, we went to the Awards Announcement. I was pretty sure I had made it, so I was a little nervous, but not too nervous. It didn't really matter to me. But they called my name! So that was fun. I got to run on stage and get a medal. :)
With some dear friends right before the announcements.
(Earthly symbols representing an eternal investment.)
Cool.
After that, I talked to my friend Liz a good bit, figured out scheduling for another friend's senior pics, signed up for an interview, and we had an amazing GGC (God-Glorifying Conversation) that night that went until midnight. We discussed the essence of the gospel and whether or not a Christian desires godly fellowship. It was very profitable and edifying.
Photo Credit: Joseph W.
FRIDAY: The next morning, I headed over to my interview. I hadn't really thought about it until that point. So as I walked over, I prayed that God would give me the words that He wanted me to say. The interview was SO fun!! It gave me flashbacks to setting up interviews with my brother... all the way to how hard the Tascam's are to put on because of the the quality of the clip to the lighting, setting the Aperture, and clapping in front of my face before we began. Made me laugh. They let me talk for about 20 minutes on how the Word of God has changed my life! Wow! It was such a great start to the day, to focus on the truth of God's Word and why I love it so much.
After that, I reviewed the Posing Senior Girls video from my Posing Course during Primary semi's and got ready for Lydia's senior shoot! It was absolutely amazing! SO fun! Can't even describe how fun it was. We traipsed all through Covington and had so much fun. :) I think the pictures reflect that. :)
Afterward, I came back and got talking to another one of my good friends, Ella, on the balcony. It started out because we had signed up to quote together, so we wanted to go over what we were doing, but we got distracted really quickly and didn't realize where the time went! Haha. Eventually we ended up in their hotel room talking with my mom for about another hour. :)
When we left, I asked mom if we could go on a walk and talk. So we did... we literally walked about 3+ miles around the balcony overlooking the hotel atrium. We just went around, and around, and around. It was so good to just talk with her, and we couldn't stop! I hashed out some of my thoughts with her:
1) I told her that this year, even though it seemed like I did my best and got a perfect oral out of my own strength or intelligence, and it didn't seem on the outside as much of a miracle gift that God just decided to give me all of His own this time, I still recognized His hand in it and understand that it still as much of a gift this year as it was last time. God is sovereign, and I believe my perfect oral award was a gift given to me by His hand, not by my wit or diligence or anything else... which are themselves gifts from God. Even if it was by my intellect, concentration, or smartness that I got a perfect oral award this year, those things were created by God.
"What do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?"
(1 Corinthians 4:7.)
Not to mention, if I had missed one quoting session with Mrs. T.H., Kate, or Jennifer, I might have made a mistake. I had just barely finished Revelation 19:1-5 and Genesis 32:24-30 by the competition.
2) I told her that I remembered that when we were packing to leave for Nats, I couldn't find my lipstick. It wasn't a big deal at all, and I could totally do without it - if I couldn't, I think that would be a problem! - but I also really like that color and would have been happy if I could have found it. So I just prayed simply while packing that if God wanted, He would make it show up. And if not, that would be fine. Right before we left, I was looking for something and opened up the mirror to grab it. And there it was. And I just remember feeling so surprised but not surprised at the same time. It was a feeling of, "Oh look, God was here." (I was sure I had looked there before.) And at that moment, I remember thinking, "Katarina, if you get a perfect oral award at Nationals, it's because God was there." I wanted to remember that and pause and praise God for giving me that gift this year.
3) I didn't know why God gave me a perfect orals. So many people studied so much harder than I did, trying for semis, and didn't even end up getting any recognition at all for their efforts. I didn't really feel like I deserved the recognition, and wondered what reason God gave that gift to me. My mom told me that she thought it might be to expand opportunity for ministry. That really made me ponder, because Josiah Auerbach and I had just been talking about how God does not need for us to be in a position of influence in order to carry out His will or make Him known. Psalm 46 promises that He WILL glorify Himself, so we don't have to worry that He won't be glorified if we miss out on a certain position we think will glorify Him the most... we should just be available for Him to use however He chooses according to His wise and perfect plan, and leave the ways He chooses to glorify Himself up to Him. After all, He knows best how He will be glorified, and if our desire to glorify Him gets in the way of Him actually being glorified, we're kind of shooting ourself in the foot! Apparently He was deciding to entrust me with a certain type of 'talent' and I am now responsible to invest it wisely. And to each contestant at Nationals, He chose to entrust with a different type of talent than another. Hm! That is a little terrifying to think about, to be honest. Lord, please give me the wisdom to respond to and use this talent in a way that pleases You best.
I took this photo while walking around the balcony on our 3-mile walk. :)
Everyone else went to watch Senior Semis while I took a much-needed nap. When they came back, we had a very sweet family over to our hotel room! It was so so good to meet them!! After dinner, some of us went to a Handel's Messiah Sing-Along in one of the ballrooms, after which we had an even bigger GGC and talked for hours about the armor of God in Ephesians 6 and Isaiah 59. So edifying.
Before we began, I snapped this picture. It was an amazing discussion!
After everyone dispersed, some friends and I were talking and one of them suggested that we have another GGC. (In case you're wondering how GGC's work, we usually pray, choose a question to discuss, and discuss it! Sometimes we end with a hymn or another prayer.) So we did! It was amazing. We stayed up until 2:30 a.m. discussing doctrine until we couldn't think anymore and went to bed. :)
SATURDAY: We packed up and headed to Primary Finals. Afterward, our family and Kailyn ate lunch in the T.H. family's room because we had already checked out of ours and they don't let you eat outside food in the lobby. I was trying not to show it, but I was feeling really sad inside. I nearly teared up at one point, but thought that was ridiculous and rebuked myself. Why? Well, even though I was at the Bible Be and was surrounded with godly fellowship, I was starving for God's Word, which I hadn't tasted much of or digested the last two days. Physical food seemed like a distraction. I was specifically craving Psalm 119. But my Bible was in the car. So mom offered to let me use her phone.
Therefore, during Junior Finals, I sat in the back and read Psalm 119, copying and pasting verses that stood out to me into the notes app and adding some of my thoughts to them. It made me so happy, and filled me up like I was craving.
Suddenly, it hit me that Senior Finals was next, and Ella and I would be quoting, and I still hadn't figured out if I was quoting it in King James or New King James yet. I knew the passage both ways and Ella was quoting in King James. I thought it might disrupt the flow and meaning of the passage if I switched versions in the middle of it. Besides, I like King James and especially love quoting in it. I didn't know. A friend of mine was sitting in the back too, so I went over and asked him what he thought. I showed him a couple different versions/combinations and explained that I liked the word "radiant" and how it says, "cried out," in New King James, but I liked the rest of it in King James. He liked that combination and agreed especially with "radiant," so I decided to go for it. "People might think you made a mistake if you meld the version though," he told me. Well... yeah... good point... but I also didn't really care. "Radiant" is an adjective I have always prayed would describe me as I look to Him. I definitely wanted to use that word. And besides, it was about proclaiming God's Word with delight, and I was done competing. So KJV/NKJV it was. XD
Ella picked out our passage this year. Here's a screenshot from the video of us quoting Psalm 34:1-8. :)
This year's winner, Elizabeth Chen, just before receiving her last passage that made her the winer. :)
After Senior Finals, I ran to the convention center lobby to film a flash mob of the Handel's Messiah "Hallelujah Chorus." My friend Rachael had called me a week before and asked me if I could film it. :) So that was fun!
I square danced for a bit, which was something I hadn't done in awhile. I'd forgotten how much fun it is! Then I had promised a dear friend that I would chat at the break, so we did, and it was lovely. I had forgotten also how much I love to talk to her!
But we had to leave too soon. We slipped out at 9:30 without even really saying goodbye to hardly anyone because if we did, we wouldn't have left until 10:30 or 11, I'm sure of it. XD I sat up front with my parents and we talked the entire way home.
SUNDAY: The next morning at church, my sister-in-law came up to me, gave me a hug, and asked, "Have you been crying?!"
"No, not at all! Why?"
"Oh, well, you must be soooooooo tired then, you poor thing!"
Later on, I asked my mom, "Mom, do I look like I've been crying?"
"No, you look soooooooo much better," she said.
Uh.
Well then, what did I look like beforehand?!! 😂😂😂😂
Anyway.
In closing, I honestly felt a little bit disappointed. Disappointed that the achievement wasn't as thrilling as I thought it would be. I had expected that I would get a perfect oral award... and I did. There wasn't really any suspense that made me incredulous when I got it. I would have been totally fine if I hadn't gotten any award. And I wasn't surprised when I did... it was kind of just like, "Okay, great!" No bursting into tears, screaming, and hugging as a family like last time. XD (Even though my mom still cried. :D)
I guess what I'm saying is that, even though I am so very grateful to get a perfect oral award, and I'm humbled to consider the work that goes into that, somehow, the achieving of the award doesn't really seem to satisfy like you would think it would. Most people seemed more excited about the award than I even was! XD
On the one hand, that's a good thing - I was spiritually apathetic to a physical temporal award, and on the other hand, it's disappointing. I had hoped I would at least be excited about it! But I remember something Hannah Leary said before the semi-finals announcement. Hannah won $50,000 by winning the Gameshow, if I remember correctly, but she said that the joy of winning has long since faded. She said that if someone makes Semis, they'll wish they had made Finals. If they made Finals, they'll wish they had won. If they won, they'll wish they had won other divisions as well, or that they could keep competing and win again. The human heart is restless until it finds rest in God. And really, God's self-sufficient, powerful and active Word is the only part of the competition that will ever last or satisfy.
And that is what I have been left with. I'm often in awe of how much the competition just really doesn't mean anything to me, really.
But this spiritually satisfying, all-sufficient, active and powerful Word that I have been left with? It means everything to me. And I am so thankful to have it within thinking distance in my mind at all times.
Praise the Lord!
"All the glory that could be obtained on this world will pass away even if you got first at Nats, but the time you spent this fall studying and memorizing God's word you will never regret. His word never returns void."
- Nehemiah Jaster, Bible Bee-er (2005-20021) (Written October 12th, 2020)
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