"As for God, His way is perfect..."
~ Psalm 18:30 ~
It's early spring and I am pacing on the front porch watching the sun illuminate the front yard in a beautiful golden glow. I am wearing a light coat, but I only need sneakers because the weather is getting warmer. My mind is repeating a verse over and over again - "I will instruct you, and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with My eye." (Psalm 32:8). "I think I have it," I think to myself, so I set off on a walk around the yard and start quoting that verse as I complete a lap.
I had been memorizing the first book of Psalms for about 4 months. So many themes had stuck out at me - the theme of God's Holy wrath led me to write this post - but today a new theme was sticking out at me - God's guidance. So far these verses had stood out to me:
"Lead me, O Lord, in Your righteousness. Make Your way straight before My face." (Ps. 5:8).
"He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Names' sake." (Ps. 23:3).
"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me..." (Psalm 25:5).
"The humble He teaches His way..." (Psalm 25:9).
"Who is the man that fears the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way He chooses." (Psalm 25:12).
"...For Your names' sake, lead me and guide me..." (Psalm 31:3).
And now this one!
As I walked along, I started praying. "Lord, lead me and guide me. Be my Teacher. Make Your way straight before my face!"
I had already known that prayers are dangerous because God always answers us when we pray according to His will (John 5:14-15) BUT I don't think I was quite expecting Him to lead me like He did.
On January 5th, 2020, my life changed forever. While talking to a wedding photographer friend of mine about an upcoming wedding I was going to be photographing, my friend, who knew that my brother was job hunting, turned to him and said,
"You know, I think you would make a great wedding videographer!"
A month later, after lots of prayer, conversations, and brainstorming, we both had our equipment and we were preparing to go into business together as a wedding videography and photography team. There was a LOT to learn, and we spent months learning, practicing, building a brand, and launching our business. Gloria Productions was launched, and we both found ourselves with a lot to manage and juggle. Having never run a business of this size before, I found myself elbow-deep in learning videography while managing marketing, communications, our gigs, and post-production work. Not only did it take a lot of my time, it took a lot of my mental space! However, this was such a blessing. Getting to work with my brother is a dream come true. The way our business started, it was obvious that God was leading us into this. He opened up so many doors.
About a month or so into the Bible Bee study, I realized that with a split focus, I could not do excellent at both the Bible Bee and the videography business. As the saying goes,
If you chase two rabbits, you will catch neither.
At one point, I spent three weeks without touching the Bible Bee material because we had so many gigs back to back and there was so much preparing/post work that went into it. (Renting equipment, creating timelines and schedules, communicating with bridal parties, editing hundreds of photos, and several videos, etc., etc.) It was a wonderful life, but totally different to my normal quiet Bible Bee season!! Though I would have preferred to have totally studied for Bible Bee, I was a committed business partner. And I did love it.
It very quickly became apparent that qualifying for the semifinal round was not going to be practical... in fact, qualifying for Nationals might even be difficult.
"Lord, lead me! Guide me!" I prayed once again. "What do I do?!"
It was almost as if He smiled at me, amused at my confusion and anxiety. "Dear child," He began, "What makes you think you must compete? What is in the competition for you that you cannot find in My Word?"
And thus begun a multiple-month-long conversation between God and I.
"Father... are You saying that I shouldn't compete in the Bible Bee?"
"What do you think?"
"But the Bible Bee is such a wonderful thing!!! I have learned so much through competing!!"
"Mhm...?"
"Well, what are You saying? What do You want me to do?"
"Katarina, what is the treasure - My Word or the competition?"
I was silenced.
I was silenced for a month or two.
I changed my approach to studying completely. Previously, I have soaked myself in the material, devouring every fact I lay my eyes on, studying, reviewing, keeping my eyes peeled for facts.
This time, I skimmed over the facts. I couldn't even tell you when George Muller was born or what was the name of the Pharaoh Joseph served under. I don't remember how long the Nile River is or how many verses are in Genesis 38.
Instead, I spent what little time I had to study praying through the chapters, asking God to teach me what He wanted to teach me. I learned so much through the study of Joseph's life that often my eyes would water as I thought through the similarities between Joseph and Jesus and Joseph and myself.
Daddy had bought a devotional that goes through the Bible's narratives and has a hymn for each week. The hymn that correlated with Joseph's life was "What God Ordains Is Always Good." One night, as we were singing it, I suddenly made the connection between the lyrics and Joseph's life. It was very impactful. I could just picture Joseph singing this in his prison cell:
What God Ordains Is Always Good
What God ordains is always good:
His will is just and holy.
As He directs my life for me,
I follow meek and lowly.
My God indeed in every need
Knows well how He will shield me;
To Him, then, I will yield me.
What God ordains is always good:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me in His righteous way,
and never will He leave me.
I take content what He has sent;
His hand that sends me sadness
will turn my tears to gladness.
What God ordains is always good:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morning new
I trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.
What God ordains is always good:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm
though many storms may gather.
Now I may know both joy and woe;
some day I shall see clearly
that He has loved me dearly.
What God ordains is always good: Though I the cup am drinking Which savors now of bitterness, I take it without shrinking. For after grief God gives relief, My heart with comfort filling And all my sorrow stilling.
What God ordains is always good: This truth remains unshaken. Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, I shall not be forsaken. I fear no harm, for with His arm He shall embrace and shield me; So to my God I yield me.
This became a prayer of mine through the studying season - I didn't know exactly why God was leading me the way He was, but I trusted that what He was doing was good. It was, more or less, a time of waiting on God to see His plan unfold. I didn't know if I would qualify for Nationals, and I didn't know all of the reasons why I wasn't competing yet, but I knew that God was leading me through His Word, and I knew that His will is perfect. Already, I was beginning to see glimpses of the fruit He was growing in me. Through the study of Joseph's life, I had grown to trust God much more fully, learned to obey Him much more readily, and overall, grow much in grace and knowledge of Him. (2 Peter 3:18).
Already, it had been worth it.
I had hoped to qualify for Nationals, but honestly didn't know if I would. However, I did qualify.
So I asked Him, "Okay... what do I do now?" It took a couple weeks for me to fully understand the answer. Perhaps because it wasn't what I was expecting to hear...
I had started memorizing the passages in the meantime, waiting for clarity on God's plan for me for the study season.
In answer, God kept showing me how much better it is to meditate on His Word than to memorize it. One thing He showed me very clearly is that, while they are almost synonymous, 'heart' and 'mind' are not the same thing in the Bible, and that just by memorizing God's Word, I am not hiding it in my heart, but in my mind. I had stuffed my mind full of Scriptures in previous years, and He was now showing me that He was wanting me to relocate them to my heart. I was encouraged by these passages of Scripture:
"Your words were found, and I ate them..."
"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every Word that proceeds from the mouth of God."
"Desire the pure milk of the Word, that you may grow thereby..."
Our relationship with God's Word is most accurately related to eating, I think. When we eat, we do not just stuff our mouths full and call it good. We chew. We swallow. We digest. We take energy from the food and turn it into action. And so God convicted me I should do with God's Word. It was time for me to start chewing on those Words, internalizing them, understanding them, and transforming them into action.
Here is a very short video I made for Bible Bee explaining my thoughts on how God's Word transforms a believer and causes them to bear fruit for His glory through the process of meditation:
Still more passages encouraged me:
"Moreover, by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them, there is great reward." ~ Psalm 19:12.
"I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart."
~ Psalm 40:8
"But be doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."
~ James 1:22.
I started realizing that the position of God's Word in my life was very important. I had thousands of verses, hundreds of chapters, and several books crammed up there underneath my cranium, but it wasn't bringing forth as much fruit as it could be because I hardly ever digested it through meditation and moved it down into my heart.
Quite frankly, I was feeling very spiritually thirsty, even though I had enough Living Water stored in my head to swim in. As much as I wanted to make it to Semifinals, God started intensifying my hunger and thirst for His Word until I couldn't take it any longer. I almost made up my mind to just meditate on the Psalms during Bible Bee, but I had a very hard time shaking off the competition. After all, it is such a GOOD thing!! Was I making the right decision?? I had never heard of anyone else doing this before. Was I basing my decision off of feelings? Was it really God who was showing me these things, or was I imagining it all?? I took this concern to the Lord.
"But Lord, studying for Nationals is such a good thing!" I told Him, once again.
"I know it is," He seemed to reply. "But I have something I want to show you this year. I want to sanctify you through the truths of My Word if you will just trust me. Nationals is a wonderful thing, but for you, it would not be My best for you this year. Come away with Me for a time, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart."
In retrospect, this is loud and clear what He said to me, but at the time, I could only feel the pricks, as He gently nudged my heart in a new direction. I didn't know how to pray for a time. "Lord, please direct me. I feel lost!" And He would very soon lead and guide me by putting things in my path over and over again which showed me once again that meditating on His Word was His greatest treasure.
At one point, I seemed to be at a crossroads. I could see where God was looking - He was guiding me with His eye toward the depths of His Word, toward wholeheartedly pursuing Him by immersing myself in meditation on His Word, but I still couldn't make up my mind. It's not like I was turning down the Spelling Bee for this, this was the Bible Bee! I spoke with a Titus 2 mentor friend of mine about it. I worded it so it would sound like I had pretty much already decided just to meditate that year instead of compete, just to see what she would think about it. She closed her eyes, and with conviction said,
"Katarina, I KNOW that you will handle the Word of God rightly. That I know without doubt."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If I was a Feeler, I probably would have cried. Once again, it was a green light which gave me the confidence to go ahead.
I would like to interrupt to share some thoughts a friend sent me which I think are really relevant. During the study season, a friend (Sarah Johnson) shared some words which also really helped me feel confident in my decision. She sent a summary of what she had told me:
At the beginning of the Bible Bee season, I started out with the assumption that I would try to make Semis. I didn't seek what God's will was, or if this was His best for me, I just did it because that was what I wanted to do. Even after Nationals was reduced to the Semi-Finalists, and my family was desiring me not to try for Semis - although they left the decision up to me - I didn't stop to consider what God's will might be, or pray about it.
Despite this, I do think I managed to balance studying application and studying facts fairly well; I had lots of good standouts and made sure I wrote a few paragraphs on application per chapter I studied. However, I didn't take the time to think through each concept separately and actually begin applying it. The stress of intensively studying facts was really wearing me down. Looking back, I can see that the fall study could have been a time of spiritual refreshing and delight in God, but instead, studying application became another thing to check off my to-do list. In amount, at least, I was balanced, but not in spirit or focus.
In summary: I wish I had taken the time to pray over the things I was learning, meditate on them, and apply them. My focus was on studying things (whether application or facts), and not on building a relationship with God.
After this, she shared how God has been faithfully redeeming the time. He is so faithful and gracious to do that! (Joel 2:25)
In the weeks after the test, God has been redeeming the time I lost: He has been bringing to my mind the application I studied and enabling me to delight in and meditate on the things He was trying to teach me. He's so faithful to continue teaching me, even when I am resistant and stubborn, bent on doing what I want to do! Even though I may have forfeited a wonderful season of spiritual renewal and reviving by not seeking God's will for my time, He is continuing to renew my mind and teach me to delight in Him and to trust His will. All during the fall study, I felt very stressed out, depressed, and weary as I sought my own will instead of seeking God's will, but now He is showing me the joy of submission to Him!
Thank you so much for sharing, Sarah!
So I jumped in! God taught me to ask Him, "What do YOU want me to do today? What do You want to teach me from your Word? Please change and grow me through Your Words into Your stature. Please provide my daily portion of Yourself for me today, that my soul may not be famished." (Pro. 10:3a)
I am so thankful for this season. I started in Psalm 1, working one by one through reviewing them to the point of being able to just go around the house quoting/meditating on them/singing them. I spent a lot of time on each one, praying through them, asking God to show me things in them, pondering the meaning in context, and putting them into practice. The words began to help me make theological connections all over the Bible, and even helped me understand the gospel more fully and be able to explain it more efficiently.
I also took this time to dive deep into Ephesians 1 and 1 Peter 1-3, and immerse myself in the book of Proverbs frequently. I also studied John 16-21 for Bible Bee. Especially with the things going on politically, I was especially happy to have the Psalms and 1 Peter on my tongue all day. In fact, I actually started volunteering for more manual chores around the house, just so I could meditate more. I volunteered to do the dishes each meal and used that time to quote and meditate and make up tunes to the Psalms. I would quote to the rabbits - they didn't mind - while feeding them or washing their tarp. It turned what I normally preferred to avoid if possible into something I looked forward to.
One Saturday night, I was playing the piano kind of mindlessly. I think my thoughts were lost somewhere in a certain passage. Suddenly, daddy said, "Oh, Katarina! You have a test on Monday." (His voice had a sort of wink in it.) "Test?" I replied. "Oh! Oh.
OH!"
Suddenly, so many thoughts suddenly raced through my head - "You should have studied more! It'll be so embarrassing if people find out your test score! How can I get out of taking this test?" But I decided to take it anyway - I didn't have an excuse. I found comfort in thinking about how well God had led me previously. I wouldn't have chosen winning the competition over the gift He had given me that fall in His Word.
On Monday morning, I got the bright idea that I should "at least read through John 16-21 so I can have the facts fresh in my mind." I figured it was worthwhile, as it could possibly move my score up a couple notches.
So I sat down on the front porch and began to read.
I don't think I had even gotten to the end of the first chapter when I felt God's conviction so intensely. "What is My Word to you?" He seemed to say to me. "A textbook? A trivia manual? An answer key to an online test for a competition? Katarina, My Word is a fire that breaks the rock in pieces." I was so ashamed and appalled. I slammed the Book shut and walked inside.
"Mom, I'm appalled," was what I said. From the look of interest on her face, I could tell she could see the fire that sometimes appears in my eyes when I feel passionately about something. I could feel it too. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I knew I was under conviction.
A couple minutes after explaining to her what I was appalled AT, the phone rang. It was a couple dear friends who wanted to pray before the test. I obliged and went outside to pray. When it was my turn, I prayed what was on my heart - "Lord, teach me to tremble at Your Word." I don't know how Celia, Anna, and Isabelle interpreted that prayer as, but for me, it meant these things:
"Father, may I learn the real value of Your Words and treat them duly!"
"May I never treat it like mere test material!"
"If You truly want me to tremble at Your Word, You will have to teach me how to do that... it doesn't come naturally to me."
"Transform and sanctify my relationship with Your Word to be more pleasing to You!"
"Take away ALL secondary motivations for approaching Your Word besides beholding Your glory!" (Then truly I would tremble at Your Word!)
After that, we parted ways to take the test saying, "Have fun!"
There was not one high-strung nerve in my being. I didn't care about my ranking in the least because I knew that even if I received a very low score, His Word had been my food that season. It had truly become my song in the house of my pilgrimage. (Ps. 119:54)
And the testing began. With interest, I started reading the questions.
Question #1 I knew.
"Uh... THAT'S not supposed to happen!" I thought.
It was just the first question, only 0.67% of the test. But it kind of startled me. I realized at that moment that I hadn't really expected to know ANY of the questions.
Now, I am not about to make it sound like I knew all of the answers to the questions. Or even most of them. But something stood out to me overwhelmingly - so much so that at the end, I was almost hyperventilating with amazement. So many times during the test, they would ask a question and I would be like, "OH! That's Psalm 4! I know that because I LOVE Psalm 4!! I have learned so much from that Psalm!" "Yikes, that's Jeremiah 15! A friend and I were just talking about that in relation to how we relate to God's Word! That was a very edifying conversation - I couldn't possibly forget that." Or, "I know the answer to that question because that verse stood out to me in my Bible reading last week!" or, "I based my habit reminder devotional off of that very verse just three days ago!"
There are 15 pages of 10 questions, and on one of the pages, I even knew the answers to all 10 of the questions because of things like this.
What I learned from taking that test was that I don't need to focus on dry facts in order to study the Bible. Although I did not advance to the next round in the competition, I think I had 'studied" the best way I possibly could have - through application! God had been my Teacher, and I learned that He is the best Teacher, however He teaches, through the competition or meditation. (Or other!)
I am not saying that the competition is bad or that studying like I did is the best way, to the exclusion of competing. I am saying is that I am glad I followed my Master instead of my desires this year. He will never lead wrong. He leads us all differently in different seasons. He has different stories for each of us. But whether He leads me through the competition or just through meditating on what I have already memorized, I want to always say, "I did what I did because it was what my Father wanted me to do."
I want to interrupt again and share some wonderful quotes from a book that the winner of the first National Bible Bee wrote. The book is called "The $100,000 Word," and I recommend it 110% to any one participating in the Bible Bee or interested in memorizing Scripture. It is phenomenal! The author, Daniel Staddon, says:
"Memorization finds lasting value only as it is used as the basis for meditation."
~ Daniel Staddon
"You may memorize hundreds of verses. You may compete in the Bible Bee. You may even win the Bible Bee. But if the Word has not penetrated your heart, "the last state will be worse than the first."
~ Daniel Staddon
"There is something about memorization that takes a passage to an entirely new level of understanding."
~ Daniel Staddon
Another quote by Andrew Murray:
"It is in meditation that the heart holds and appropriates the Word... the intellect gathers and prepares the food upon which we are to feed. In meditation the heart takes it in and feeds on it."
~ Andrew Murray
After watching the National Bible Bee Competition, I was a little shook up - mostly in a good way, but also in a small bad way on the side, too. Seeing the lights, hearing the music, seeing all the glory and the prizes all again, I began to wonder, "Did I do the right thing?" While I was very encouraged and inspired by the competition, I turned it off and walked away at the end of it with an unshakeable heaviness in my heart that kept growing stronger. Eventually, I fled to a quiet place and cried out to God:
"Lord, please speak to me! Was I doing Your will?"
The next instant, He graciously flooded my heart with a torrent of verses to assure me -
"How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than choice silver." (Proverbs 16:16.)
"Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My gates, waiting at the posts of My doors." (Proverbs 8:34.)
"I desire... the knowledge of God more than... sacrifice." (Hosea 6:6.)
"Blessed is the man... who meditates day and night." (Psalm 1:1-2.)
"Let him who glories glory in this - that he understands and knows Me..." (Jeremiah 9:24.)
It was as if He had said, "Why did You doubt? Is My way for you not perfect? (Psalm 18:30.) You have followed Me. This is My will, that you understand and know Me. Don't worry. I led you in the way I desired to lead you."
This gave me so much peace.
So, what did I gain?
During this season, He made the little things big in my eyes. He made a dishwashing session in which I held sweet communion with Him of far much more glory in my eyes than winning the competition. He showed me that I can as much glorify Him by finishing all of the dishes (even the ones that need to be hand-washed) as I can by winning the competition, if that was what it was clear from Him that He wanted me to be doing.
He helped me to sharpen my Sword and to keep it ready and swinging in battle use.
He helped me to come away from seeking all the vain desires of my heart and learn to worship Him alone and delight in it.
And in all, He made the competition to be counted as loss to me and rubbish, compared to the excellency of the knowledge of Christ which I gained through His Word.
I am so grateful to my good and gracious Teacher.
- To The Utmost Glory Of God -
P.S. Here is medley arrangement I made of a couple songs that mean a lot to me and kind of symbolize my response to how God led me this year.
This is definitely not a flawless rendition, but I hope you will be able to listen through and think on the meaning of the words to these songs:
My Shepherd Will Supply My Need
What God Ordains Is Always Good
Have Thine Own Way, Lord
P.S.S. I will be over on the forum to discuss this post with you! See you over there! 😁
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