{Note: It was a lot that I learned!! This is the longest post I have published so far. If you make it to the very end, I will have a small gift waiting for you. :D }
Ha! This will make an interesting blog post. No, stop it Katarina! Think! Where is that passage? Alright, calm down. Oh wow. I'm sure my parents... the whole audience for that matter... is really nervous for me right now. No! Don't think about them. That'll only waste time. Okay. Matthew 6:20-21. Hm... where IS that passage?
I'm sorry if I just gave you a heart attack. Honestly, I was quite calm when all of this was happening. But I've skipped to the middle of the story. If I kept going from this point on, you would miss the best part(s)!! So, let me back up... hm... where to?? Perhaps I'll start at the beginning.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the Bible Bee, here's how it works:
Anyone ages 7-18 can participate in a summer study centered around a short book of the Bible or a few chapters. They are given a discovery journal to go through to help them study the study passage. They are also given memory passages to memorize. At the end of the summer, participants can take a test that determines the 120 contestants in each age division (Primary - 7-10, Junior - 11-14, Senior -15-18) who are then invited to compete in the National Bible Bee. I made that sound really easy, but if you're really trying to make it to Nationals, and do really well, then you memorize the book you're studying (this year it was James) verse by verse, memorize all the Greek words in the Discovery Journal, study the Discovery Journal and become very familiar with it, memorize about 15 Scripture passages, and about 200 Cross Reference verses. We refer to this study period as the "Locals" competition.
If you do qualify for the National competition, then you have about 2 and a half months to memorize and perfect (I'm talking about the Juniors here, my age division) 800-900 or more verses (that's how many we had this year. It varies slightly year to year.) If you count the book of Philippians, the 2018 Nationals study book, which most of us memorize as well, that's 951 verses. Plus, a lot of us memorize Cross References, which could easily add up to a couple hundred verses. Then, we have to memorize as many Greek words from Philippians as we possibly can, and study Memory Passage context, and the geographical and historical context of everything we're learning. I may be forgetting a thing or two as well.
Finding out I had qualified for the first time, in 2017
At the National competition, all the contestants take a written test and an oral test. The Juniors have 50 minutes to take the written test, and 10 minutes to recite 15 passages. The top 15 in each age division advance to the Semi Final round, where they take turns reciting on stage in front of the entire audience. If they make one mistake, they are eliminated. The 5 remaining go on to the Final Round, where they cannot be eliminated. They compete on stage again to determine the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th places.
I signed up for the Bible Bee again this year, but I tell you, it was a decision, not just a "oh yeah, I always do BB, so what am I waiting for?" Studying for the Qualifying Test takes a lot of time, and I had many projects that I wanted to work on. But it didn't take a lot of deciding, because I knew that there wasn't a better way to spend my summer than by memorizing and studying God's Word. I qualified for Nationals last year, and enjoyed it so super much, and to be honest, this year, my eyes were on Nationals like never before. I wanted it so badly. I knew that I knew how to qualify, and I knew that I probably would, but I made Nationals such a big idol that everything else started to take second place. I started dropping everything I could in my schedule so that I could study well. Two weeks before I took the qualifying test, daddy asked me, "What is your goal in studying for the Bible Bee?" Without thinking I answered, "to qualify for Nationals!" and then I realized what I had said. I clarified, "No, no, that's not my goal. My goal is to draw closer to my Savior." Daddy asked me, "Have you?" I thought through all the facts and verses I had memorized. Had they drawn me closer to God? I knew more about Him and had a deeper hunger to learn more, so yes they did. But I believe the thing that made me love Him the most was the trial of it all. Sometimes I would lie awake in bed worrying over the test and immediately verses would come to my mind that would silently criticize me. God did not write the Bible so that we could do well on a test - He wrote it so that we would come to know and believe in Him for His glory. I would ask myself, "How does the gospel direct me in this situation?" The answer always was, "God is SO GOOD! I don't deserve the Bible! I don't deserve to do well on the test at all! So whatever He gives me is evidence of His mercy!" And I would fall asleep full of joy and peace. After that conversation with daddy, I realized that my priorities had been in the wrong order. I rewrote my schedule and amazingly, I had even more time to study when I did so, AND things were in the right order! Amazing.
I took the test and to my utter surprise and shock and amazement and bewilderment and wonder, I got in the top 15 in my age division! I simply could not believe it! I exploded when I heard that with excitement! But... was I 15th? I wanted to know. No.... I was 4th! WHAT?!!!! When daddy told me that, oh, you should have seen my face! I looked completely stunned. Then I jumped out of my chair and said "Let me see this!!" I could. not. believe it. But it was true. The paper had a number 4 written on it! That took a couple of days to get over, I assure you!!
My reaction when I learned that I 'wasn't 15th,' 2018
Then the studying for Nationals began. It's intense, and it's easy to get discouraged and overwhelmed. Before I began studying, I sat down and figured out how many verses I needed to memorize each day, in order to finish in mid October. By God's grace alone, I did finish in October (31... :D) I got myself an accountability partner as well, a sweet Senior friend of mine. We texted each other every day, telling each other how many verses we had memorized/reviewed that day, and what we had done on the computer. I knew that my biggest time wasting enemy was going to be the computer. There were so many things I could do on the computer! Being extremely extroverted, I knew it was going to be hard not to talk to people all day on the computer instead of studying. The accountability was extremely helpful!!! I failed miserably a couple of days, and a lot of other days I didn't do too well. But overall, it saved me hours and hours of wasted time, and the accountability helped me get my verses done. I may not have actually finished them if it hadn't been for Victoria! :D
Studying by the Mississippi! :D
Then came the competition!! It hit me one day. It was a very foggy morning, and we were all packed! My parents were inside doing last minute things, and one by one, us siblings were filing into our 15 passenger. Wow! We're actually leaving for Bible Bee!! I suddenly realized. I should have studied more. I should have reviewed more. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Whatever happens anyway, I know that it'll be a good experience, because just the fact that I made it is really exciting!
Then, we were on our way to San Antonio Texas!! I reviewed my passages on the way to our friend's house in another state. I was amazed at how many I was able to get done, and very thankful! We had a wonderful visit with our friends (there was even a spectacular thunderstorm that lasted all night!! - and you know how much I love thunderstorms - thank you God!) and then we started driving again.
This is where it gets interesting.
I was very excited to get to Nationals. I was a little worried about my orals because I knew I knew all my passages, but I knew that they weren't completely polished. My biggest fear was that I would take too long to think of which one went with which one.
We had arrived at our second night's stop - another friends' house in TX. :D We'd had dinner and had gotten to know everyone and were having a splendid time. They needed to leave to clean their church for the next day and asked if we wanted to come along. Since I was sleeping in the living room, I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep until they had come back and gone to bed anyway, and they were only going to be gone for about an hour, so I decided to go with them and some of my family members to help. Everyone was grabbing jackets, filling water bottles, tying shoes, etc., when I felt something in my throat. I ignored it - I thought I'd probably just swallowed wrong or something, but 5 minutes later, I had to admit to myself that I had a sore throat. I quickly took a bunch of vitamins/pills/etc., and ran out the door with everyone else. I didn't really notice it on the way there, but once we got into the gym, I felt like I had been hit with a truck. There was no doubt that I was sick, sick, sick. Very, very sick. I didn't even want to play basketball. I just stood there, smiling, and trying not to make anybody think anything was wrong with me. I played some ping pong and foosball, which didn't require a lot of energy, and I tried not to think about it, but my symptoms could not be ignored. That night, when I climbed into bed, I had a little conversation with God. Well, Lord, it looks like I'm sick! I told Him (not that He didn't know already.) I suppose You know what You're doing, but... this isn't exactly what I had been planning, You know, right? Yes, He knew. Well, since I'm sick, could You please do something really amazing through it to make it worthwhile? I know You could heal me if You wanted to... but would that bring You glory? Whatever brings You the most glory, that's what I want. That's not what my flesh wants, but really, that's what my spirit wants. Oh, please dear Lord, do something!
I can't say that I fell asleep full of peace and joy, but I did trust that God knew what He was doing. That night was rough. I slept okay, but I remember thinking to myself several times during the night I am so, so sick. In the morning, my sickness was still there, and it was so bad that I didn't want to speak. I didn't even really want to whisper. I was not the talkative bubbly person I had been the night before. I sat still and smiled, and when I was asked a question, I looked at daddy to answer for me. I had told mama about my sickness, so most of my family knew, and they didn't ask me questions. Though I was smiling on the outside, I kept thinking to myself, why? what's the reason? What is going to happen? When we got back into the van, I was completely silent. Indeed, I sat there for about two hours, just thinking. Why? What is God's plan? I hadn't gotten sick at all this year - this was the first time... and on the way to Nationals! I thought of not being able to speak in my oral round, and of being too miserable to take the test, and having to walk out of the room, crying. Two tears slid down my cheeks, and I welcomed them. It felt really bad and really good to cry. Without making a sound, I cried for about 20 minutes, and nobody noticed until I was on my way to calming down. I was physically miserable, in mental heartache, and emotionally weak. Perhaps I'll share what I wrote in my journal:
Ah, you never know what can happen in a day. Last night we stayed with the __ family in TX, and we enjoyed getting to know them. I was feeling great when we arrived, but all of a sudden, I got a huge lump in my throat, and I knew it was a sore throat. It kept getting worse for awhile, and bothered me really bad all night, and in the morning, it was so bad that I didn't want to speak. At first, I was a bit anxious, and, I admit, a bit angry inside over it. We said goodbye to the __ family and I sat in the car, confused. Why was this happening to me... now? I actually haven't gotten sick all year that I can remember. Why now, right before Nationals? There was clearly a purpose, but as I sat there, I admit I started to get angry at God, inside of me. I couldn't speak, I was achy all over, and my throat just hurt so bad... besides, I just felt miserable. Mama suggested that I reschedule the photography class I had been planning to teach the next day and rest as much as I could until registration. I didn't want to do it, but I knew she was right. In my head, I was picturing not being able to talk to people, not being able to go on the 5K we were planning, not being able to help out with family photography, not being able to study, and therefore not being able to do well on the test... also, not being able to recite my verses, and being too miserable to take the test and having to leave the room in tears. I sat in the car silently, as the lump grew in my throat until it spilled over my eyelids in tears. I was just so miserable, and I was aching more than before.
Then I fumbled in my bag and found some verse cards I had brought and planned to hand out to people. I shuffled through them and took out four to ponder over.
Trust in the Lord - Psalm 4:5.
It reminded me of "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6. That was so comforting. Every part of that passage was applicable to my situation. I prayed, Alright, Lord, I trust You with my whole heart. PLEASE glorify Yourself through this!
With God all things are possible. ~ Mark 10:27.
I knew that. I prayed, Lord, I KNOW that You are capable of healing me, and I KNOW that You are capable of glorifying Yourself through me. PLEASE, however You want to glorify Yourself - through miraculously healing me or teaching me a lesson through the pain, PLEASE do it!
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7
I immediately knew that this was one of the passages that I had memorized. I started quoting it to myself:
"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." ~ 1 Peter 5:5-11.
Again, this was so applicable to my situation. I sat in amazement and gratitude. I remembered that He really did care for me, and that He was giving me what was best for me. I basically prayed the passage back to Him. After that was done, I knew that I was going to suffer for awhile, but that the God of all grace, who called me to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, would perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle me. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever! Amen!
Be truly glad; there is wonderful joy ahead. ~ 1 Peter 1:6.
It's true! No matter what any Christian is going through, there IS wonderful joy ahead. But I hadn't been being thankful or joyful. The Lord has a plan, and I know that it is a good one. May God be glorified!!
That night, my mother made me stay in the hotel room and not step outside of it at all. That was hard, but I knew it was right. I had a fever as well, and I took a 3 hour long nap and woke up thinking it was morning. Mama was there, and she told me that a kind girl named Ruth had somehow - I still don't know how - heard about my sickness and given me some cans of pineapple juice that help sore throats if you heat them up as hot as you can stand it. I tried it, and it was so good! I don't know how quickly it helped me, because I went right back to sleep, but the next day was registration day, and I was feeling much better. My fever and sore throat were gone, but I was still weak. We headed to registration and I saw so many of my friends!!! I had to talk to all of them, of course!
I was in the middle of a conversation with one particularly dear friend when my voice started cracking, and I stopped my sentence to say, "I think I'm losing my voice!" I tried not to talk as much after that, but I just couldn't help it. Mama came soon and took me to the car, in order to save my voice, but I couldn't stay there for long, because I had to take family photos that afternoon. That was a blast and a half. I love taking photos, family photos especially, and I love BBers (Bible Bee-ers,) so what could be better? After that, we rushed back to the hotel to eat dinner and put on our 'uniforms' for the Opening Ceremony.
Oh. Wow. I thought I had been excited previously. But when I stepped inside of the doors and saw the auditorium and all the lights and pizazz, I said to myself, Katarina, you were not prepared. Here are some pictures, but you really have to experience it to understand!
My brother, who was also competing and I were a couple minutes late, so we ran to find our spots in the sections reserved for the competitors. It's funny! I had known that I was going to be extremely excited at the opening ceremony, so I had asked God two weeks before to put me in between two talkative people who would understand my excitement and not think my energy weird. I'd forgotten about that prayer, but it was answered! :D I sat between two talkative people, and we were able to talk our excessive excitement out of our systems! Two of the contestants (you five know who you are ; ) in front of us joined the conversation, and I almost forgot about all my emotions! I was just sheer HAPPY when we got to walk onstage. My name was called. I thought I had been smiling as big as I could, but when I took my first step across the stage, my smile grew two inches wider. We were each awarded a medal, then we went to find our seats again.
Walking Across Stage!! :D It's always SO FUN!! :D
I was surrounded by friends and wonderful people that were just about to become friends! This 97% extroverted girl was right. at. home. I didn't care about my voice! I just wanted to talk all night long! But daddy soon found me and whisked me away to the hotel room again. That night, I listened to a lot of my passages on my recorder before falling asleep. There was a certain family in my head that I had taken a family photo of that afternoon. As I was falling asleep, I kept arranging and rearranging them in my head. :D
The next morning I woke up too early from excitement. This was the day I would compete! I grabbed my passages and ran down to breakfast with grandpa. As I ate, I reviewed my passages. Mama drove my brother and I to the church. When I had to say goodbye to my study materials, it became real to me. From now on, I would be relying on what was inside of my brain, not outside. First we would take the Computer Based Test, the CBT. We filed into the room and found our seats. I liked everyone at my table real well! We had a lot of fun. Tests don't scare me. I think my God-given giftings make taking tests pretty easy. I knew my stuff pretty well, and it's just a test. Nobody's staring at you. I was amazed at how quickly my time started running out though! I had finished the Locals test in under half of the time required, but for this test, we had 10 minutes less than the Local's, and the questions required more thought, for me at least. I believe I quoted the whole book of Philippians to myself while thinking of the answers for the questions. I finished with 1 minute and 50 seconds to spare, changed one answer, and then it timed out. That was fun!! I wanted to do it again!
Next came the part that I was not excited about. Orals. *Que the scary music.*
All the contestants in my orals room, ready to recite. :D
As we walked out of the CBT room, our parents and siblings were lining both sides of the hall and clapping for us. I gave my family a thumbs up.
My orals room terrified me!! There were bright lights, and every single person that was on my "I hope they don't sit in on my orals" list was sitting in it... and more, besides. They briefed us on the rules, and I wanted to hide under my chair and stay there. I was so nervous. Why did I ever sign up for the Bible Bee?! Well, here I was, and it must be done. I was sure that everyone else in my room knew their verses much better than I did. But gradually, I began to calm down until I wasn't nervous anymore, only excited. But I was so excited that I really wanted to run around the room and shout at the top of my voice! I also wanted to do some pushups, but that isn't good etiquette. I was third to go. When they called my name, I stepped inside, really wishing I could be taking a nap. Everyone gave me encouraging glances, and I thought to myself that if Emma and Anastasia could come through alive, I probably could too. As the judges were shuffling through their papers, I closed my eyes and prayed, Oh, Lord, please help me!! I need You!! If I am humiliated, but You are glorified, it will be worth it. That gave me all the comfort I needed. I was, surprisingly, very peaceful and calm from that time on. I was asked to state my name and Bible version. I whispered it. I had decided that I would whisper my entire oral round, so that my voice wouldn't crack and cause me to mispronounce a word, or worse, confuse me and cause me to not remember what I had said. The judge asked me if I had a problem with my voice, and I nodded. He told me that I could step up close to the recorder. Then he held up the first card, with the reference on it so I could see it, and also verbally stated the reference. Now, one of the rules of the competition is that your time doesn't start until after you repeat the first reference. Thank. the. Lord. for. that. rule!! When I saw the reference, that was the first thing I thought. Matthew 6:20-21.
The reference was very familiar to me, and I knew that I knew the passage, but which one was it? To use the language my judge used later on, I 'closed my eyes, jumped inside of my brain, and started shuffling through files.' At least 30 seconds passed later, and I remembered that I had reviewed the passage 2 days before. I opened my eyes, smiled at the judge, then closed them again, and remembered that it was a Local's passage. I smiled again, but with my eyes shut. How did it start? I swayed my head back and forth and then - lightning bolt! It must have been God's mercy! My face trembled on its own accord as I repeated the passage to myself once inside my head, then twice, to make sure that it was the right one. Slowly, I opened my eyes and smiled at the judge. Poor judge! I can only imagine what he must have been thinking that whole time!
"Matthew 6:20-21" I said. He looked like he could have fallen off of his seat in relief of hearing my voice after about 2 long minutes. I went on to recite the passage, and I think I quoted it perfectly, praise God! I kept going. I would love to say that I kept saying them perfectly, but unfortunately, time, again, was a big issue. I kept watch on the clock, and it moved so much quicker than I remember it moving last year! Like I said earlier, I knew all of my passages, but they were buried in my brain, and I had to take a lot of time to pull each one out. A couple of times, 5, approximately, I had to ask for a prompt because, though I knew I knew what came next, I also knew that it would take too long to attempt it, and I would likely get more points if I moved on.
It wasn't that bad though. There were several that I quoted perfectly, I think, without any prompts or pausing. Two of them I quoted perfectly, I think, after I asked for one prompt. And then, I couldn't believe it! The next passage that came up on the card was 2 Corinthians 12:9-10!
And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I made this face:
and here's why. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, during the Nationals studying period, was my favorite passage. It had encouraged me so much during my studying, and during my orals was JUST when I needed to hear it most!!
Then I started getting to the end, and I could sense it, even before I opened my eyes and saw the clock. When I did open them, between the next passage, I quickly glanced at the clock and the stack of papers still left in his hand. I think he still had about 4 left! The next one he gave me was 7 verses long, and I knew it, but I knew that at the end of the passage, I would have to give it some thought. What if I skipped a verse or made a mistake, or used up a lot of time thinking? I would have spent that fast departing time and gotten 0 points. I quickly had to make a decision. I passed it, hoping that the next one would be shorter. I looked at the time. 1 minute left. The next passage was 5 or 6 verses long, and, though I knew that one too, I passed it, hoping that I could quote the last two. I had my eyes closed for every passage and would open them when he gave me the reference, as I'm a visual learner and it helps me to see it. I saw the next passage, and I don't remember how many verses were in them, but I remember passing it, even though I knew it really well. Last passage. Luke 16:10-15. He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much... I opened my eyes and my mouth to start it, but I only had 10 seconds left. So I just stood and watched it disappear.
I think my judge was really sorry for me! He said, "Wow, well, why don't you turn around, and let's honor Katarina with a clap." I don't know why, but when I did turn around, I smiled really big - as big as I had the night before when I stepped on stage. I knew that I had just 'failed' my oral round, but I was full of joy and relief! I think I was still thinking of 1 Corinthians 12:9-10. I was still so amazed that I got to quote it, just when I needed to hear it! Everyone gave me sympathetic looks and Mrs. B. sitting behind me was so kind. I don't remember in what way she was kind, but I remember that I didn't think she was thinking that she was sorry for me because I had done a bad job. It was more like she wondered what had suddenly happened to me, since I knew my verses so well. A mother in front of me told me that 'that was so brave!" - probably because I whispered them all. I really appreciated that. I know that saying "good job" to me wouldn't really be telling the truth, but I really wanted to hear someone say, "in all honesty, you did a good job." Several people throughout the room would have run to me and given me a hug and told me it was okay if they could have. Just thinking that I knew they would have was such a nice thought.
Then, when I was sitting there and the next contestant was coming in, it suddenly hit me that my dream of a perfect oral and of doing a good job in front of all those people had just been shattered. I didn't think to put it into these words, but I had made that dream an idol, and my idol lay in shards at my feet. This had been a particularly big idol, and I had embraced it tightly. I felt the rug burns, and they hurt. Though at the time I didn't know why, I started to cry again. I couldn't believe it - why was I crying?! I think it's because I hadn't put what had happened into the correct words yet. My throat closed up and my cheeks became wet, but I didn't make a sound. In one minute I was done crying, and then I was filled with great peace, and I felt like hugging everyone. I'm so glad I can still fit on daddy's lap.
Well, one by one the other contestants came in and quoted their passages. None of them ran out of time, and most of them got perfect oral recitations. The rest only made one, two, or three little mistakes. I couldn't believe it! How in the world was it even POSSIBLE for me to do so bad? I started feeling bad again, but I quoted 1 Peter 5:5-11 to myself. I quoted that passage several times throughout the day and the rest of the week. But if I thought that getting a bad oral score then listening to perfect recitation after perfect recitation was difficult, it got worse.
That afternoon, while the Seniors were reciting, my parents were listening to my brother, and my little siblings were in childcare, I was all by myself and daddy had told me that I could do what I liked, so that's what I did! I talked to people! Most of the conversations, naturally, were centered around the competition - how well do you think you did? What did you answer for --- particular question? I listened to success story after success story. Several people thought that they would make it into semifinals. I had to tell the truth - I didn't think I was going to make it to semi finals, and I didn't do well in my orals. It was rather discouraging, but I kept quoting 1 Peter 5:5-11 and Proverbs 3:5-6 to myself.
That night my parents let me have dinner in the hotel dining room with everyone else!! Ah, how I loved seeing everyone! It was a breath of fresh air after being cooped in the hotel room while everyone else was socializing!
We raced off to hear the semi finalists announced! All the lights and fanciness made me excited, but I knew that I wasn't a semi finalist. I blew that up in my orals room. Hannah Leary shared something really encouraging. She said:
In about 20 minutes from now, we will know who our semi finalists are. In about 20 hours from now, we will know who our finalists are. In about 20 days from now, we will all still be recovering from this event. In 20 years from now, we will hardly remember what happened this week. But the Words that the contestants committed to memory is eternal, and it will not return void."
Hannah Leary's in the middle :D
THAT is the reason for the competition. I leaned back and thought, She's right! Oh, thank you, dear Lord, for allowing me to not do very well in orals. Knowing me, if I had done well, I probably would have pretended to be humble and give You the glory, but inside I would have been proud and would have not seen a great need for the Words I had memorized. Now they are what I am clinging to! Please let the Words I have memorized change me for Your kingdom purposes!
Then the semi finalists were announced! Never before have I been more excited about who made it to semi finals!! Several of my friends from each division, Primary, Junior, and Senior, made it to the top 15! 7 from my orals judging room made it! I was SOOOOO happy for them, especially 5 of them in particular, from all 3 divisions, but I was also kind of sad. I realized that if I was ever to make it into semis, this would be the easiest year, as it was my last in Juniors. I had been so close! But recently I have come to know and completely believe that semis wouldn't have been good for me. What happened WAS good for me, and God orchestrated it on purpose. Semis is not my goal. If I can have semis + spiritual maturity at the same time, then maybe semis would have been good for me. But at this season in my life, it was not possible, and I am so thankful that God knew best!
Throughout the entire week, the thoughts that people shared and the Scriptures that were quoted were so encouraging to me. I don't remember all of the Scriptures, but each of them reminded me that GOD IS GOOD, despite my imperfection. That's how I had started out my Bible Bee bio, but I didn't think that God would try me to see if I really, truly believed it.
Well! On Wednesday morning, we got up really early and ran a 6K! It was supposed to be a 5K, but we got lost, kind of. Okay, that sounded really impressive, but to be honest, I walked most of the way. XD :D Daddy did too, and we had a really good, l o n g conversation about next year. I am so excited for next year!
The semi finalists competed that day and the Finalists were singled out. Many of my good friends made it! What fun!! Good job semi finalists and finalists!
It was just so good to be among friends!! I had made a list of people that I wanted to meet/talk to, and I completed the entire list, plus lots more. That's one of my greatest joys, I love people. I was also able to have some meaningful conversations, my favorite.
That night, daddy let me stay up until about 11:30 with friends, and we had a great time. I was thoroughly enjoying myself though I still didn't have my full voice back. It was almost frustrating! Some of the people that I had become friends with that week had never heard my real voice! I couldn't sing - I love to sing - and talking was an effort, but I kept thinking of 1 Peter 5:10... after you have suffered awhile... So I rejoiced in my suffering, knowing that God is still capable of everything.
Thursday was similar. We watched the finalists and rejoiced with them. That night, the Awards Ceremony was held, and everyone who got a Perfect Oral Score was announced. I tried counting them all, and I got past 50, which is incredible! Once again, many of my friends were called on stage, and I quoted 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to myself, and then I was good.
After the Awards Ceremony, Mr. Bob Lepine shared a very encouraging message with the contestants on "How To Use Our New Swords" - referring to the Sword of the Spirit, which is the
Word of God. I took notes - here they are.
It's great to have the Bible on your phone or in written form, but the reason that we memorize it is because if we have it in our Bibles, and not in our hearts, the Holy Spirit cannot bring it to memory when we need to use it as a sword against the wiles of the devil.
Beware of:
- Being proud because of the Scripture you have memorized
- Being self righteous because of the knowledge you have gained
- Using either of those against people instead of yourself
- Being a hearer, and not a doer.
There was a square dance that night! I didn't dance because I got talking with a dear friend, and it was so sweet that I didn't want to leave. Finally, she had to go, so I went and talked to another dear friend. She asked me what God had been teaching me that week. How in the world could I tell her everything? So I thought back to my orals room and I shared how scared I was to quote in front of everyone - I love public speaking, and I wasn't nervous because there would be people in the room... it was only that I was nervous of making a mistake in front of certain people, who do really well every year. By having to quote in front of everyone that was on my 'I hope they're not there' list and by not doing very well, it was really clear to me that God did that on purpose so that I would have to realize that I wasn't there to quote for people.
Then I exchanged contact info and took pictures with some people, then we had to get back to the hotel so mama and the littles could get to bed.
There was going to be a hymn sing at our hotel that night, so daddy and I stuck around for that. I still couldn't sing, so I hung around with the dads.
As I was sitting/standing there, my watch suddenly fell off of my wrist and shattered on the tile. That was just too bad, but I wasn't worried about it. I loved the watch, and my sister had even gotten it for me for my birthday, but I had been rejoicing over big trial after big trial that week, so a watch breaking was no big deal. God had scattered that week with so many blessings and trials that turned out to be for good that I was just thoroughly happy, content, and grateful. In fact, I wasn't my usual bubbly self that night... I became a bit sober. In my head, I was vigilantly seeking out and remembering the blessings God had poured out on me that week - too many to count. Each friend, also, was a treasure, and I was completely overwhelmed.
I stayed up until 2:30 that night, and thoroughly loved every minute of it.
The next morning we HAD to go, as early as possible. Daddy let me eat breakfast downstairs after I packed up, while he and my brothers packed the van. So kind of him. Some of my good friends were there, and it was wonderful to be able to talk to them before departing. As I walked out of the hotel, the wind filled my hair and blew it everywhere. Ah, I love that feeling! It helped me not to think of the piece of my heart that I was leaving behind me. Indeed, my heart literally ached. I sat in the van for 2 hours in silence, pondering over all that had just happened. How could God be so good to me? Can it be that He regards sinful man? Yes, He does! And not only that, but He cares enough about their sanctification to guide them through hard trials, and somehow, He changes us through it all for the better! I feel so loved.
Which reminds me, during the season of preparing for Nationals, most of the contestants were assigned to a prayer warrior. My prayer warrior and I had been praying that God would humble me and glorify Himself in a very specific way at Nationals. To be perfectly honest, though it's hard to say so, when I was praying that He would glorify Himself in a very specific way, I had a perfect oral award and/or semi finals and/or finals in mind. He answered my prayer for silver and gave me gold. Let me share the letter my prayer warrior wrote to me - I was only able to read it for the first time on my way home, and every prayer inside I had seen answered before my very eyes!
Dear Katarina,
You're at Nationals! You did it! It's been a privilege for me to life you up in prayer each day these past few months. What can I say to you to encourage you at this intense time? Stress and pressure want to overwhelm you with anxiety now that the testing awaits you shortly. But Katarina, it doesn't matter if you aced your recitation or passed every passage. Don't let it concern you. What really matters in the light of eternity is not going to be how much you know, how you scored, or what other people thought of how you did. What really matters to me, what really matters to God, is whether you lived your life for him - for His kingdom and for His righteousness!
I pray that you'd be a woman who pursues, who is desperate for God, and who counts all else rubbish for the sake of gaining Christ.
There must be so many things you must be feeling right now, but I hope that what you feel most is loved. His thoughts for you are more numerous than the sand!
His love for you was demonstrated at Calvary. You don't have to perform, or work, or do well. You are complete in Him who chose you before the foundation of the world, made you justified in His sight, and calls you upward.
I pray that your time at Nationals would be a time of closeness with God. I pray that every moment of it would be full of joy and that you'll go home refreshed in His goodness.
I could not believe it when I read this letter. Every single thing she wrote came true. I wonder what would have happened if she hadn't prayed these things. I am thankful that she prayed for the things that really matter, not just that I would do well. This letter, dear friend, and every prayer you faithfully prayed, was truly a blessing to me. Thank you so much.
Many of you reading this have also prayed for me. I believe I counted 15+ people that were praying for me! Some of you even wrote me hand written notes. Also, I'm thinking of a couple of you in particular who listened to my passages. You guys - I'm just so blessed by you. So, so blessed. Thank you!
~ To The Utmost Glory Of God ~
Here's your gift. :D O For A Closer Walk With God sums up everything I learned at Nationals.
The dearest idol I have known,
Whate'er that idol be,
Help me to tear it from Thy throne
And worship only Thee!