"Hi Katarina!"
"Hi!!"
"Please state your name and Bible version."
"Katarina Charis, New King James... Version." I remembered to add. : )
"Alright, are you ready?"
"Actually, no... I was just jumping and laughing out there. May I have please have a moment to catch my breath?"
I bowed my head and tried to steady my breathing. "Dear Lord, here I am. Please glorify Your Name through what I am about to do. Even if I make a mistake, please glorify Yourself."
I opened my eyes. Now was as good a time as ever.
"Okay, ready!" I said.
* * * * *
Last year my Bible Bee journey started in June with the Summer Study. This year, it started in January when I turned a year older and all of a sudden gained several large responsibilities and deadlines. The biggest one, and most pertinent to the story, was that daddy wanted me to finish my Medical Transcription Course before starting any Bible Bee study. I had been working on this course for a couple of years. I was a little overwhelmed to say the least, but I did the math several times, and calculated that if I worked 2 hours a day on it, I would be able to start Bible Bee when it started in June.
So I continued working on it. But the more I worked, the more work I found that needed to be done. A few months into it, I realized that I needed to do the math again because I had more data. This time, I had to do 6+ hours a day. At this point, I decided just to do Medical Transcription every spare moment I got, which was almost always at least, and sometimes even more than 6 hours a day. Whew! I was overwhelmed. Try sitting behind the computer all day long typing out words that you can hardly make out - one doctor had a Jamaican sort of accent - day after day for several months, and you'll understand. I began to despair of ever getting to study for Bible Bee.
Right around this time, I ran a mile. My running buddy and I decided to start out slow and steady, and speed up every lap. Half way through the last lap, I felt like I couldn't get enough air no matter how hard I was breathing. (I'm still not very good at breathing through my nose during exercise.) So I had to stop and fast-walk for a few yards. My running buddy started jogging beside me and praying out loud that God would strengthen me and help me to run for His glory. After about 3 more steps, (that's how long it took me to come to this conclusion - I can usually think faster than I can run :) I concluded that if God would be glorified by my running again, and I figured He would because I could not run at the moment, then I would RUN!!!!!!! So I said, "Okay!" and we sprinted that next half lap to the finish line. It hurt really bad, but the words, "God's glory" kept running through my head. I ended up finishing 3 seconds away from the exact time I had wanted! God be praised! This story became a great encouragement in my race for finishing the course before June, even when it was painful. "God's glory" became my motivation.
Even though I did work about 6+ hours a day, I didn't finish the Medical Transcription Course until mid August... after all the 2019 National Bible Bee Competition qualifiers had taken the test and had been announced.
Thankfully, even though I didn't finish until mid August, daddy let me read through the Study Book (8 of the psalms) until 8:00 a.m. in the morning, and in late July he said was satisfied with my diligence and progress on the MT Course, and let me start studying for Bible Bee in addition to the course. Again, this was in late July.
This meant that I had short of 1 month left to study for the qualifying test, and all of the other contestants had already been studying for over 2 months. At first I didn't know whether to be happy I could study! I had already given up the hope of making it to Nationals, and was content that this was God's will for me. It was obvious that His will for me now was to study for Bible Bee, but the idea was so new to me that I needed to process it.
There were many walks in the woods & talks with God in the summer, submitting to and praising Him for his will, and pleading and relying on His strength for the work that I had to do.
It took me a day or two to actually decide to study. I didn't want to start it half-heartedly. If I was going to do it, I was going to be committed. However, I stood up against many personal oppositions.
1. I felt like I was entering a marathon while everyone else is on their (approximately) 17th mile.
2. I knew that since I could now study, my friends (especially the multitudes who didn't know about the course) would expect me to qualify for Nationals.
3. I was more tired than normal. Sitting in front of a computer for months really does affect you physically, not to even mention mentally.
4. Over and over again, sometimes a couple times an hour, an overwhelming wave of lethargy would wash over me, coupled with the thought, "You can't do this! This is WAY too much work!" I especially remember 2 specific times, one on my bed, and one in the tree fort, when I was having a study session but didn't realize that I had fallen asleep. All of a sudden, quick as a lightning bolt, I was suddenly conscious, and the words "Wake up! I need you to study for my glory!" came into my head. "Yes Lord! I will study so that You can be glorified through my weakness," I would answer, then get back to work.
The theme for the summer study was 'worship.' I learned so much from it - more than in pervious years even. I think it was the most helpful spiritually so far. The summer studies are really incredible, really helpful in learning to study the Scripture.
There are 2 other unique things about my summer:
1. This year, we hosted a LOT of people. We all LOVE hosting and see it as a command from God, and are so grateful for each opportunity. There is nothing negative about hosting at all! But it did challenge me about my selfishness. Several of my weekends and several halves of my weekdays were taken with guests in the house, even during just the 3 weeks I had to study! I loved it, but at the same time, sometimes I had to struggle with my selfishness and surrender that block of study time. It was His time, anyway, and it was obvious that this was His will for that time, so it was best to just submit. And oh, how He used those times!!
2. The other unique thing about this summer was that we were hosts for the Bible Bee! Every 2 weeks or so, about 60 people gathered at our house for a time of fellowship, quizzing, review, games, and quoting. Daddy made a jeopardy game that even had the theme song! It was great.
Jeopardy!
At the last gathering we had, all of the participants quoted all of their passages and took an 8-question test. At this point, I had been studying for I want to say almost 3 weeks, but God's glory had motivated me to turn that low-quantity time into high-quality time. Also, I just realized, but I think memorizing Ephesians over the winter really helped keep my memory muscle in shape, and so the passages and study chapters actually weren't too difficult to memorize, though definitely challenging. I was overwhelmed when I got a perfect score on the written & oral test for the Proclaim Day. As far as tests go, it wasn't really challenging for people who know the material, but having believed for 2+ months that I wasn't going to even be able to study, and having left that in God's hands, all of a sudden being at a place where I knew all the material like everyone else... it was kind of surreal. We had an awards ceremony, and several friends and sib-friends and I got books & certificates for quoting our passages perfectly. :D
The next week, I was still preparing, still running at full-speed. I made myself an impossible-looking to-do list for the last week. I didn't actually think I would get it all done. By God's incredible grace alone, I got all of it done and more.
My older brother and I studied a lot together this summer. Every morning we would go to the swings and work on our Psalms chapters for 1-2 hours. It was such a sweet time, and we grew rather close through it. Sweet memories. I so appreciated how he supported me too. He knew that, because of his job and other responsibilities, he probably wouldn't do as well as me, yet he supported me, helped me, and rejoiced with me. I love you, big brother, and will miss that time next year.
A week before taking the test, and around the same time I wrote out the list, I wrote out this prayer: (This is an excerpt)
"I'm asking for Your help. As you know, I have one week left to study for the Bible Bee. My heart sometimes becomes confused and anxious and distracts my brain from its studying work. My spirit grows weary with the effort, my brain forgets things I want it to know, and worst of all, my heart is struggling with pride. My soul KNOWS that I could do none of this study without You to first create me, then guide me, allow me, help, and sustain me. But I sometimes get 'impressed with myself??' over how fast I have caught up in the study period. Lord, I am SO SCARED of stealing Your glory for myself!! I fear that if I qualify for Nationals, I will be sly in my conversations to slip in how I "started so late but did so well." And the higher the ranking I get, the more I am afraid that I will glory in my own effort. But if I don't qualify, I fear that my pride will instead mention how late I started as an excuse to say, 'it wasn't possible anyway.'
Which will bring You more glory? If I qualify or don't? I am so thankful the choice is not up to me, 'else might I turn away from my best blessing and put from me the choicest and loveliest gifts of Your Providence." (Susannah Spurgeon.)
Mmm! That's just it! It's not up to me to choose! I cannot choose, even if I tried! You are sovereign and omnipotent, and no matter how hard I study by Your grace, You are in control of the results of the test. I believe that You want me to study well because that would showcase Your incredible wisdom in creation and how great Your grace and mercy are, and You will get the glory for how I studied, because I couldn't have done it except that You created, orchestrated, controlled, sustained, and directed me. So I will leave the results in Your capable hands and be happy and content with whatever result You g i v e to me..."
Last-week-studying. Earbuds, notebook, Bible. Focus.
Then, minutes before taking the test, I wrote this:
Lord,
My heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me (in other words, unprofitable or meaningless study material. My goal has been to get to know You better.) Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131:1-2.) It is! And I am rejoicing in hope of the glory of God. I am confident that You will glorify Yourself, so I am just rejoicing in that hope! :D
In Jesus' Name, amen! :D
I took the test. :D I felt good about it! :D
The next day or week, or whenever it was, we were excited to hear the results of the test. I was playing "Channels Only" on the piano when daddy found out that the site was down and that they would be emailing announcements to just the contestants who qualified. "Okay, everyone. So... I got an email for Katarina, but that's it..." We were happy, but sad. I thought for sure my brother would qualify! Also, there were 2 others in our group that I thought would too. But they hadn't received an email either. I went back to the piano. (If you hadn't noticed, musical notes carry my emotions on their wings so I don't have to. :D)
Daddy woke me up as I was falling asleep that night with some exciting news. The site was back up and he had my results! I was in the 30s. And what was even more exciting, was that my brother qualified too! (We found that out the next day.) Also, one of my friends from the group did too, and we tied! We found out later that her email had gone to spam.
So, the studying for Nationals began!
This was a favorite study spot of mine up until it got chilly.
But I didn't study.
My brain needed a break after half a year of continuous hard mental labor. During my week off, I asked for tips and caught up on things I needed to do. One alumni offered to find all my Greek Words for me, created a study document on 1 Peter (the book we studied for Nationals) and found most of my Cross References. Daddy found me a really helpful commentary on the book of 1 Peter, one of daddy's friends printed out my memory passages on card-stock, and I was set to go! Wow. Thank you so much everyone!! There are so many people I wouldn't have been able to do it without, and every one of you helped me so much.
I made the difficult decision to only memorize the passages that were 10 verses and under. That was only 395 verses (500 exactly if you count 1 Peter.) The reason I did this was because I wanted to know the passages well enough that I could just be going about the house and quoting them to myself. In the past, I have memorized all of them, but because there were so many, I just didn't have the time to perfect them and I wasn't able to just quote them months later... it was more like I was just very familiar with them. I wanted to know these passages so well they they would become incorporated in my conversations with myself and direct my thoughts and actions.
I memorized my first passage at the chiropractors' office. I remember because it was quite hard! I began to think to myself, "Oh no! If all of the other passages are this hard, this is going to be a long, hard journey." But I remembered a lesson I had learned in the summer - thoughts of discouragement only take up time and brain power. Use that energy to make progress instead.
So I kept up, by His grace. Fairly soon, I started to pick up speed. Something that sort of happened to me without my realizing it was that I was memorizing almost every passage in a different spot. Some I memorized at the park. Others on the swings, or a log, pacing up and down the back deck, sitting on my piano teachers' stairs, watching the first half of an Ultimate game (I started only playing half-games) or while playing basketball, taking a walk, or sitting at a picnic table. This helped me to connect the references with the passage. I hadn't started with any specific goal for the competition in mind, but pretty soon, I started agreeing with my dad that a Perfect Oral Award could be possible. So, that became an unspoken goal.
Studying in the tree fort :D
Early on, pretty much before studying, I had a meeting with my dad to plan out what I would be studying each week until the competition, and by when I needed every specific thing done. That was so helpful. Mama found me some ready-made flashcards at the store, and with those, my printed out Cross References, Context, Study Book, and Memory Passages, I had everything I needed off-line. I pretty much did everything on paper this year. :D Mama found a zip-up binder with pockets for pens & paper, I stuck a notebook in there and a very good and detailed daily schedule that I had made, and I was prepared like never before. I carried that notebook around everywhere, and I studied almost any spare moment I could. I even discovered that if I pushed my own cart, I could memorize in the grocery store too! I was never able to forget Psalm 102:18-22 because of that. :D Lol. :D
I fell into a pattern. Chores, homework, exercise, and memorizing work in the morning. More homework, all manner of projects, reading, and review/study in the afternoon. After dinner, I would quote to someone if they were available. I would also quote as much as possible to anyone who would listen at church every week after lunch. I had to skip whatever games the kids were playing outside, but it was worth it. I never knew how important quoting was for getting passages perfect!!
A dear mother from church offered to come over every week to hear my verses!! Once a week, she came over and listened to me recite my passages over and over again for a couple of hours. I cannot describe what a blessing this was!!! She gave up hours of her time to serve & bless me when there was no return in it for her. May the Lord repay you and all the other people: my mother, father, grandpa, brothers, sister, friends, and friends' parents, who all gave up hours of your time to quiz me. I cannot thank you enough.
This friend was an AMAZING quoting buddy!! She didn't bend, even if I wanted to. She encouraged me to stick to my goals, was always available, and even reached for new heights, such as when she would read a short phrase from the middle of the passage and I had to guess the reference. And I think she enjoyed my mock oral rounds even more than I did. Lol. (Those were extremely helpful by the way.) Thank you J! :D
There were times when it was difficult, but I had learned over the summer to come boldly to the throne of grace to obtain mercy and grace to help in time of need. I did, often. And always there was abundant mercy. Also, the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. Pretty soon, I didn't have to force myself to study. I wanted to study. The better I knew the passages, the more I wanted to learn. Often, multiple times, I would wake up in the morning and realize that I was quoting a passage in my head, or I would become conscious in the middle of the night, and realize I was quoting a passage. This would happen during the day, too. These words became part of me. They answered questions I had and drew me close to the arms of my Savior.
One night, I started to panic about the state of my verses because I was making the Perfect Oral Award an idol. I wrote:
Feeling super incompetent & anxious over the state of my verses and the inevitable lack of time I will have to quote them in the next few weeks, as everyone is super busy and then we need to pack and go.
Encouraged from Psalm 127: "Unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain who build it..."
It's hard to understand a passage until you've memorized it and it has become part of your thoughts, and really, part of who you are. Then, as you think about it and certain situations come up pertaining to the passages and the Holy Spirit brings it to mind, you find out the meaning of the passage through use. This happened to me dozens of times, it seems. My favorite passages were Psalm 18:1-6, 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, Hosea 6:1-6, Romans 5:6-11, and Hebrews 10:19-25.
I re-enacted this verse. Look it up to see what I mean! The reference is 2 Corinthians 3:12-18. I had trouble with the ending because I was already familiar with it in another translation, but after doing this, never again. :D Things like this really help me to remember my passages for some reason.
Since I had never memorized my verses this well, I found myself fighting against the thought, "It's pretty sweet that you know all of those verses so well," and dreaming of a perfect oral score a lot... until my grandpa came to town. When I finished quoting my verses to him for the first time, he shook his head and said, "I just cannot beLIEVE that the human mind has been created to hold so much information! And not only that, but connect it to the right pieces of information that correspond with it, and put it all out in the right order?! Ei yi yi!" Oh yeah, that's a good point! I didn't create my brain, God did. And how he created it is amazing. Boasting in my ability to memorize and quote all of these passages is like a battery boasting in its storage capacity.
A week before Nationals, we visited some friends. It had been my idea in the first place, and I was excited about it and had been looking forward to it all week, but was also not even quite sure why we were going. Originally, I think, we were going to get together with them and other people to study for Bible Bee together. This evolved into an afternoon get-together. I wouldn't have thought about twice if these friends didn't live two hours away. The dots didn't line up.
But I got 4 hours of study in because of the drive! And little did I know what a blessing was awaiting me there!
Their daughter (my running buddy in the mile who prayed out loud for me) had a bunch of canker sores in her mouth, so it was difficult to say the least for her to talk. But the day before, knowing we were coming, and not wanting to not be able to talk to me, she had sat down and typed out a bunch of questions to ask me. Her plan was for me to read the questions and I would answer them orally, then she would type her response back. But I guess she couldn't help herself, and we were soon in a long conversation, even though it was painful for her, dear girl! And how thoughtful. :D We talked all the way to dinner time.
The next day I wrote this down:
There is a verse in Isaiah that says something like, "This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me." That was super convicting to me when I read that a couple of weeks ago, because I sort of felt that I was doing the same thing - talking about and praising God often but not worshipping and adoring Him as I should.
Last night we went to the --'s house, and one thing -- mentioned stood out to me: that worship stems from a heart that relies on and trusts in God. We can worship Him through repentance because we are acknowledging that we are not God, He is, and we need Him. Likewise, through suffering, praise, and victory, etc., if we acknowledge that ''without Him we can do nothing,' and rely on His strength alone.
Then, this morning I was reading Jeremiah 17 which says in verses 5-8,
"Thus says the Lord: Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord." (v. 5.)
So it seems that a natural consequence of not trusting in the Lord is that your heart departs from Him.
And on the flip side, it seems that if you rely on Him for strength, you show love to Him and worship Him. As Psalm 18:1 says,
"I will love You O Lord, my strength." ~ Psalm 18:1
Also, further down a couple verses it says,
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit."
If we make the Lord our trust, He will not disappoint, but will infuse our lives with so much strength from Himself to do His will and bring forth abundance of spiritual fruit. We shall have no fear of being insufficient of ourselves, for His strength, like a river, never ceases to be enough for us to draw from, to radiate His love and beauty, and bear fruit that glorifies Him.
We now live on Bible Bee highway! So fun! :D
The Lord continued to open up truths to me from Jeremiah 17:5-8, Psalm 18:1-6, and Proverbs 3:5-6 from then until the competition and even after, till now. They are such amazing portions of God's Word, and I am learning so much. Worship, it seems, boils down to trust. Who is our trust? If we make the Lord our trust and trust in His strength alone, then we can worship Him. It doesn't seem possible to worship the Lord when we are trusting in ourselves, and our hearts are departing from the Lord.
I was faced with a decision: Who would I trust going into Nationals? Would I lean on my own understanding? (Proverbs 3:5-6.) Then my heart would depart from the Lord, and I would be like a shrub, pulling strength from the DESERT. (Jeremiah 17:5-6) Or, on the other hand, I could make the Lord my strength and rely on Him like a tree does a river of water. His grace is sufficient, His strength never runs out, and it produces fruit for His glory, because it is evident that it came from a well-watered plant. What is a plant without water?
I love this comic by Adam Ford. I think it illustrates what kind of trust I'm talking about well. I do note though, that this is taken out of context. The context is about faith and repentance and the gospel. By no means was I 'believing God' for a miracle, or 'trusting that He would give me what I wanted,' or 'feel that He had promised me something.' No, I was casting and resting myself on the hope that God would glorify Himself through me, no matter if I got a good score or a bad score.
Just like "rejoicing in hope of the glory of God" was my theme for the summer, "trust in the Lord" became my theme for Nationals. And I'm not just talking about 'belief,' but an utter abandoning of trying to do well, even for His glory, by my own efforts, and a complete casting of myself upon the will of God, that He would work all things according to the counsel of His will to the praise of the glory of His grace, and a total reliance upon the grace and strength of God for everything I needed.
He gave me the grace to surrender everything over to Him.
The welcome sign outside the Convention Center! I think all of us contestants were happy that people driving by could know about the competition! Photo courtesy - Allison D.
So, Nationals came, and I felt as prepared as I could be. I wasn't nervous, because I trusted God to do all things perfectly. I got to thinking... when my time comes to leave this earth, will I be this confident because I know that Jesus already perfectly paid my price?
I loved our hotel! That night we went to a party and had fun, good conversations, and said hi to a lot of people. :D
Photo Courtesy - Mrs. A.
That night, I only got 4 hours of sleep. My stomach was upset, I was way too hot and then way too cold. Already, I had been several hours behind on sleep because of an orthodontic appliance I had to wear. However, the Lord showed Himself faithful again. I had a sweet time of prayer and Scripture meditation during the night watches in which He told me to wait patiently for Him. I wrote:
So I am just trusting in Him to do ALL the work of glorifying Himself through me, because right now I am so weak, in every form of the word.
I thought about worrying over my lack of sleep and my need of sleep to be able to think clearly for the test, but decided against that. It would be a bad idea because that would be pulling my trust back from God, and then my heart would depart from Him.
After registering, I reviewed 2 chapters of 1 Peter with mom. After lunch, 2 more with dad. Then I reviewed my Greek Words and Cross References, and headed over to take my test!
My brother & I waiting to up the escalators with this large group of Seniors to take our Computer Based Test (CBT.) The girl in the plaid blue shirt and braids before me is one of my good friends. She made it to semis last year and brushed her teeth 9 times from nervousness. So this year I got her a toothbrush, engraved it and gave it to her right before going up. That was really enjoyable. It's fun to have inside jokes. :D And she made semis again this year!! Photo Courtesy - Daddy. :D
Because I hadn't really been thinking about making it to semi finals, I wasn't nervous... until I sat beside someone who was trying to make it to semis and was nervous. And then I was like, "What am I thinking?! I've studied all the material! I could make it to semis!" So I purposed to do my absolute best on the test, and then I got a little nervous for the test, because I wasn't emotionally prepared for it. But that passed quickly and it seemed ridiculous again to be nervous because I knew God was handling it and would do a perfect job. And the test, actually, went super well... way better than I was even expecting...
That night, my brother and I got to walk on stage and received our medals! Mr. Zwayne gave a super encouraging message on worship not just being something we do on Sunday mornings, but a lifestyle, a habit, a part of who we are. You can watch it here.
Photo Courtesy - Mrs. A.
The following morning, I woke up at 6 a.m., got ready, grabbed a bar, and set out to quote. I was super happy and excited! Not nervous at all! Just excited and happy. It was peace that really passes understanding when I thought about how, just weeks before, I had been dreaming so much about getting a perfect oral score. But I had made the Lord my strength, and I know that the Lord doesn't fail.
The 2019 Oral Judging Rooms. I was in Judging Room 8. Photo courtesy - Christa M.
My brother and I were super happy to find out that we were in the same judging room as our friends the Johnsons! All 3 of their kids use the same Bible version that we do, so we huddled together and whispered through almost all of our verses together in unison, to catch any mistakes. It was wonderful and gave us something helpful to do instead of sitting and dreading the upcoming test. We talked, quoted, and prayed for each other.
Ironically, this video caught us quoting Psalm 115:1-9... Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but to Your Name give glory, because of Your mercy, because of Your truth. It was so neat to see how God did through each one of us in unique and perfect ways. We had to whisper so as not to disturb the other groups. :D Video Courtesy - Courtney M.
I was last to go. After my brother went in, one of my alumni friends and I started talking a bit. We stretched out and I wasn't nervous at all. I was laughing and being my animated self. We could sense that I would be called in soon, so she offered to pray for me. In her prayer, she asked that God would help me to do this for an audience of 1, the Lord. That stood out. As soon as we said amen, the door opened. I jumped up and walked in, happy and excited. Not nervous at all.
As soon as the first reference card was raised, I started at a slow and steady pace, moving my hand up and down to keep myself steady. The room had a lovely little echo, the passages were ones I loved, and I was enjoying it. Then the judge held up "Psalm 18:1-6." I couldn't believe it. My favorite passage! God was too good! I was so overwhelmed that I actually started to gradually get emotional, and was almost tearing up near the end!
One of the next ones was Psalm 95:1-7.
It took me a second to start, because there is also a passage from Psalm 97:1-9 and one from Psalm 99:1-5, so keeping all those 5s, 7s, 9s, and the right starting lines in order had been a bit of a challenge. Lol. But I knew it well. For no reason at all, however, one of the words that came out of my mouth was "they" instead of "he." Sometimes that happens when I'm speaking because I think faster than I speak and sometimes the words in my head do not match what I'm supposed to say. But it wasn't a big deal. I started over, as I had practiced. But I knew that this was my last chance. Every word that came out of my mouth in this passage from now on had to be absolutely perfect or else I would lose my perfect oral score so far.
I guess I was a little stressed out from that fact and wasn't thinking clearly. Without giving myself time to process my thoughts or even look at the reference card again, I started to speak. "Psalm 195:.................." a wave of fear washed over my head in one instant. In half an instant, I knew I had made a silly mistake, and the next half an instant I had corrected it, but it was too late. I had already used my start-over. My scoring judge looked up with curiosity at that moment, but went back to his scoring. I recited the rest of the passage perfectly (and slowly, to make sure I didn't make any more mistakes) but I felt a little deflated even though I knew the rest of them, and they held meaning to me. I finished my oral round with 20+ seconds to spare, and sat down with my family.
We all looked at each other in bewilderment. I didn't hear my contestant judge saying good job to everyone and dismissing us. We picked up our stuff and left. Everything sort of went by in a blur, but I was also more conscious of random details than I usually am. I couldn't believe it.
The live and verification judges... Their job is really difficult, for a couple of reasons. But we're thankful for their service and we love them for who they are when they are NOT in this room. :D Okay, well, I guess we do love them when they're in this room too... sometimes. It depends. :D Photo Courtesy - Christ M.
"I made one mistake!" I told my dad as we walked. "One mistake! It was a slip of the tongue... I knew it... Why did I say it? It was a reference, not even the passage, and I'd never made that mistake or anything similar to it..." I was fine, but I needed to talk it through a little bit with people who cared. After we had gone through the hall and down the escalators, however, I had gotten over my disappointment. It was clear that this was the will of God, and He helped me to rejoice over it. (1 Thessalonians 5:18.) Pretty soon I was singing. My heart was full of peace and joy.
For I know, whatever befalls me, Jesus doeth all things well.
Although Perfect Orals was out of the question, the fact that I had only made one mistake and the fact that I had done well on the test made daddy conclude that semis might be a possibility, (especially since I had heard that several people who usually do really well each year had made mistakes in orals) so he wanted me to study on the way to the Creation Museum. I brought along my Greek Word flashcards and reviewed them at the museum and reviewed some of my long passages on the way to and from there and the hotel (and I sang some songs. I couldn't help it. : )
I visited some dear friends at their hotel room with my brother while my parents were on the host cruise, and then we went to hear the announcements! : )
My parents got to have dinner on this riverboat cruise with lots of other hosts! :D
I did get a little nervous because I thought, "If I make it to semis, I'm not prepared for that." But I wasn't a semifinalist. However, in the primary division, the girl who I had been assigned to pray for during the study period made it to semis!!!! When they announced her name, I stood up and screamed like I don't think I ever have in my life. :D
Several friends of mine made it in each division!!!
All 45 semi finalists - Photo Credit - Mrs. A :D
Before sitting down to watch the announcements, I had talked with my good friend from church and had asked her how she had done. She said she didn't know of any mistakes she had made, so I was super excited for her and couldn't wait for the Perfect Oralists to be announced. At the same time, I was, I have to admit, slightly sad about not being one of them. But I had given that over to His hands, and was content in His will for me. I was disappointed, and I think everyone was, that they didn't announce the Perfect Oralists by name and bring them up on stage like they have in past years. Instead, they said that they would post their names up on a board somewhere... I didn't catch where.
As we were preparing to go, the screen changed, and several words appeared on the screen. "Oh cool! They've got the Perfect Oralists up on the screen!" someone said. "Oh really? Oh, let me see if I can find my friend's name!" I scanned the list of names. I didn't really 'see' any of them, because I was looking for a certain one.
And then all of a sudden, I screamed.
"What?!" someone asked me.
"It says Katarina Charis!!"
All of a sudden my parents and other family members were all around me, hugging me. I gasped, and then burst into tears. Then we were all bawling with joy.
"I didn't deserve that," I sobbed, almost uncontrollably.
"But God gave it to you! See, look! God gave it to you!" Amazingly, when I looked back at the screen, my name was still on it.
As we walked to the lobby, dozens of people congratulated me with the sweetest congratulations. I didn't know why they were congratulating me. I felt like I'd just been handed a gift and everyone was telling me good job. I couldn't believe it, either. I saw my contestant judge and ran up to her.
"Holly! What happened?! I made a mistake!" I greeted her. Lol. Holly and some other judges explained to me that week that because it was obvious that I knew it, I had said it perfectly the first time, and it was obviously just a slip of the tongue, and I had corrected myself, they had sent it to the review judges, and they had ruled in my favor.
That night, falling asleep, I tried to fathom what had just happened. I couldn't. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me. Of course I could understand what had just happened! God gave me a gift that I didn't deserve, on purpose, to glorify Himself! I slipped out of my bed, knelt down on the ground, and thanked God for the first time for this gift.
"Thank You, God, for giving me that gift. I recognize that I did not earn that, but that You just saw fit to gift it to me! Thank You, and please help me to glorify You with it. In Jesus' Name, amen."
A beautiful, reflective view of Cincinnati that we could see out our window. Photo Courtesy - Daddy. :D
Reading back over Jeremiah 17:5-8, I am struck with the phrase, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord." Always. His plan, whatever it is, and however He chooses to bless, is best.
The next day was good. Some friends and I had a great conversation that night. :D
Even though the audience I was going to speak in front of the next day was larger than any I had ever talked to before by a couple thousand people, I wasn't nervous at all, and never was. Just excited and happy. They asked the Perfect Oralists to please pick a passage that was 3-4 verses long, but they let me quote my favorite passage, Psalm 18:1-6. This is what usually goes through my head when I quote it:
I will love You, O Lord, {yes, I will! Help me to do that please}
{who is} my strength. {And only strength.}
The Lord {and no one else}
is my ROCK {! Eternal and unmoving!}
and my fortress {please help me to run there}
and my deliverer; {oh, Lord, You're so good! Indeed, You delivered me from my sin!}
My God, {what amazing wonder that I can say that!}
my strength, {yes, the only strength that I rely on, the all-sufficient, never-failing strength, and nothing and no one else is}
in whom I will trust; {yes, and the only strength that I trust. And I WILL trust in this strength.}
My shield {I know that You shield me from sin}
and the horn of my salvation, {ah, yes, indeed! He saves!}
my stronghold. {Oh, why don't I run to You?}
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; {Oh, why don't I praise Him continually without ceasing?}
So shall I be saved from my enemies. {Please help me to remember to come to Your throne of grace. It's by Your strength alone that I can be saved from my enemies... and my current enemies are desires that want to elevate themselves above the desire to worship You.}
The pangs of death surrounded me, {Oh, yes, I remember, they did!}
And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. {The evil in the world did frighten me, daily, for two years when I wasn't trusting in God.}
The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me; {Indeed, they did.}
The snares of death confronted me. {I remember the night when I was confronted with what the snares of death were - eternal separation from You, because of my sin.}
In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; {this is my story! This is exactly what happened to me!}
He heard my voice from His temple, {Oh, what mercy!}
And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. {Eternal thanks to You for hearing and saving me!}
As I walked up the steps onto the stage and found my spot by the tape on the floor, I prayed, "God, this is for You, and no one else. I know You are here, and very near. You are my "audience," I guess, and I want to honor You by these words."
(In case you're wondering, I got to quote with two of my good friends! :D No, the names on the screen are not correct. Lol. :D You can watch the entire Senior Finals - or just skip to their recitation - here. Our quotations begin to start at 45:45.) Video Courtesy - Daddy. :D
That night, I stayed up until 3:30 a.m. talking about wonderful things with my running buddy. (She is also the one who wrote this post, by the way.)
And the next morning we left!
For awhile after the competition, I felt sort of like you probably did reading that last sentence. That's it?! I kept thinking. I was actually kind of disappointed! I remembered last year being an amazing experience, where I started off really low, went much lower, but ended up really high and higher as I learned to trust God no matter what happened and focused on the true prize, God's Word, and a close relationship with Him. But this year, I was pretty much always at a state of neutrality - you read the words 'just excited and happy' often. (That's what I consider my state of neutrality. :D) And I was really surprised at how small of a deal getting a perfect oral and getting to quote on stage seemed to me. I think because I had already gotten over not getting a perfect oral and was content about that before God unexpectedly gave it to me, I saw it as a 'bonus' and was just happy and excited about it. Even though I had dreamed about Perfect Orals so much and wanted it so badly for awhile, God took over and made me trust Him completely. He became my strength, my trust, my hope, and so I was truly thoroughly content and happy with whatever He did. The honor of getting to quote on stage and get a medal, etc., even though small honors, had, at one point, controlled me. Now, after surrendering them, I didn't even desire them. After getting all of that stuff (as a gift from God) I was kind of like, "Okay, neat! Did I glorify God?" What I thought was worth so much was all of a sudden just 'eh.' The best way I can describe it is that I realized that the competition did not satisfy me, amazing and incredible as it was, and that God could.
And so all of that was squeezed out of me, and what was left?
THIS:
Photo Courtesy - The internet
Eternal.
~ To The Utmost Glory Of God ~