I have been controlled by folly for most of my life... but I didn't know it. When I would read about the "foolish man" in Proverbs, I would feel sorry for him. 😁 Though I would be quick to admit that I did have some of his tendencies and would try with God's help to fix them, I didn't understand what makes a wise man wise, and so as long as I was blinded, I was the fool. Yes, and even after that, I continued to be a fool, for I thought it would be a quick fix. When I realized it wasn't a one-time (or even two time) fix, I quickly got discouraged and gave up, proving the fact that I really was the fool, for a wise man may fall seven times and rise again. (Proverbs 24:16.)
When one compares the wise man and the foolish man, he finds many differences to be sure, but there actually are not too many things keeping the foolish man from becoming wise. Only a few BIG things. Now, when I said that I have been controlled by folly most of my life, I meant that I lacked what I call 'folly's nightmare,' the key that unlocks the door to being wise. This key was not and could not be found until after I had been saved from my sin. You see, to be truly wise, first a man must be a child of God and have the fear of the Lord. God says that the fool says in his heart, "There is no God." The wise man says, "There most certainly is a God, so I must wash my garments white in the blood of Calvary's Lamb and always live by faith, in His grace, to please Him." However, even a Christian can act foolishly, or be controlled by folly, not knowing the way out... like me. To put it succinctly, all truly wise men (by Biblical standards) are Christians, but not all Christians are wise men.
I was in the foolish category. I waited a couple of years to share this story because I wanted to tell you not only how I learned that I was the fool, but what has been happening since. Along the way, I'll reveal what folly's nightmare is.
* * * * * *
For months I lived with a secret fear. I may have whistled and sung and smiled, but inside it felt like my heart was rotting, and I didn't know how long I could keep it up. I was desperate for help... but from whom? My parents? That was precisely the problem: I hated getting advice. Oh, I loved my parents dearly, and most of the time, if you would have asked, I would have said that I had a good-great relationship with them in most regards. But for a reason I couldn't explain, every so often, we would clash. Never once did I ever want to say anything rude or upset my parents or be difficult, but I lacked folly's nightmare. Looking back, I am amazed at the graciousness of my parents and extremely ashamed of my rebellion. I firmly convinced myself that there was nothing I could do about it. The only solutions I could think of were that I could try not speaking as much, for "in the multitude of words, sin is not lacking..." (Proverbs 10:19) and I could try being a little bit more gracious, but I was 'always right,' so I decided there was nothing I could do about it. I just lived with the dread of these unfortunate upsets with my parents and tried to learn to recover from them as quickly as possible. Guilt quickly piled up, though, and began to dampen my everyday life. My smile often refused to come to the surface, and my singing nearly ceased altogether.
I'll give you an example of a possible scenario that might have happened:
Let's say I am washing dishes. I fill the dishwasher, and empty the sink. But as I'm going, people keep coming up with extra dishes that they just used. I begin to despair of ever getting the dishes done, but eventually I finish and skip away to whatever I had next on my to-do list. Five to ten minutes later, however, my mother calls to me sweetly from the kitchen,
"Katarina, can you please finish the dishes?"
"I did finish them, didn't I?" I call back.
"No, there's still a thermos, some lids, and one of those sandwich wrap things."
I go to the sink, and to my amazement, find it just as she described. Why did I not see those the first time? Maybe because I didn't want to?? Ouch. Let's not think about that.
"Also, when you are done there, it's nice if you can put the scrubbies back in the drawer and empty the food catchers, and you can wipe the sink down with soap because it gets kind of dirty. Oh... um... did you actually run the dishwasher??" 😁
I sigh and get back to work. I'm discouraged that I cannot do something so simple as do the dishes correctly.
"Oh, now, remember these dishes won't dry if you leave them like that," she adds.
"Yes they will, I've done it many times before and they always do." I defend myself. I go on to describe my drying method, making sure to mention that I read about it in a book.
"I wish you wouldn't be so difficult," my mom finishes. She sighs and walks away. I hang my head in shame, so confused. All I was trying to do was just explain myself.
Sometimes, when it was larger issues for which I was being corrected, I would resist, justify, explain, and defend for several minutes. This grieved my parents, who desperately wanted me to learn and be wise. But what can they do when I won't even receive their instruction? On almost anything anyone would ever correct me on, I would deny it or justify myself, and/or just resist. Other examples that might happen could be, "Hey, you forgot to do your laundry!" and the answer: "I tried, but someone had their clothes in the washer." Or, "Please remember to put your piano books away when you're done," and the answer: "I was just coming back to play again." Or, "Oh, remember, I keep telling you not to just drop your books on the counter, so please come put them away. Answer: "I know, but I had {insert urgent thing} I had to do right away, and I was going to come back to it." (Hopefully, that is. 😁)
Always resisting, explaining, giving a reason, justifying. Never accepting the truth in humility and trying to learn what I could from the instruction.
So... what changed?
One morning, I was going about my business getting ready to read Proverbs to my family. They were finishing up some things, so since we were on chapter 27, I decided to read something else while I was waiting.
My eye jumped to the next page and I read,
"He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy." ~ Proverbs 29:1
I was broken.
"Is not my Word like a fire?" says the Lord, "and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?" ~ Jeremiah 23:29.
It certainly is. I wandered about my tasks that day in sort of a daze. That was me. Often rebuked. Hardening my neck. Suddenly destroyed without remedy. Worst of all, I realized that I was displeasing my Father in heaven.
Soon after that, I wondered what else Proverbs had to say on the subject. Even though I've memorized most of Proverbs, I never had really taken the time to study it, meditate on it, or define key words such as "wisdom," "knowledge," "understanding," and, in particular, "instruction." So I opened my Bible and read the book straight through. I was shocked to find several verses on each page pertaining to my struggle. Not only that, but many linked wisdom to hearing instruction. Here are just a few of the verses I underlined: (The ones that especially convicted me, I starred *).
... to receive the instruction of wisdom... 1:2
... a wise man will hear and increase learning... 1:5
* ... fools despise wisdom and instruction... 1:7
* My son, hear the instruction of your father... 1:8
Wisdom calls aloud outside... "turn at my rebuke..." 1:20, 23
Because I have called and you refused... and would have none of my rebuke, I also will laugh at your calamity... because they hated knowledge... and despised my every rebuke... 1:24, 25, 26, 29, 30
My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commands within you... 3:1
Do not be wise in your own eyes... 3:7
My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, not detest His correction... 3:11
Hear, my children, the instruction of a Father... 4:1
... let your heart retain my words, keep my commands and live... 4:4
* Hear, my son, and receive my sayings... 4:10
* Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; keep her, for she is your life... 4:13
Therefore, hear me now, my children, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 5:7
* ... and you mourn at last... and say, "how I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction! I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me." 5:11, 12, 13.
He shall die for lack of instruction... 5:23
My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life... 6:20-23.
My son, keep my words, and treasure my commands within you... 7:1
Now therefore, listen to me, my children.... 7:24
* Receive my instruction, and not silver... 8:10
* Hear instruction, and be wise, and do not disdain it. 8:33
* ... the wise in heart will receive commands... 10:8
* Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. 12:1.
* A fool despises his father's instruction, but he who receives correction is prudent... 15:5.
*Cease listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge... 19:27.
* When the wise is instructed, he receives knowledge... 21:11
Apply your heart to instruction... 23:12
*The rod and rebuke give wisdom... 29:15
If you would like to look up the other references I found, they are: Proverbs... (I liked all the underlined/starred ones)
* 9:8-9, 10:8, *10:17, 11:2, *12:15, *13:1, 13:8, *13:10, 13:13-14, *13:18, *15:10, *15:31, 22, *33, 16:22, *17:10, *19:20, *19:25, 22:17, *23:22-23, 26, 25:12, *28:9, 29:1, 3, 30:17...
I really do encourage you to look those up when you find time. They are all powerful verses, and I would have included them all if I was not afraid I would weary you to the point that you would not continue reading, and I didn't exactly want to type them all out. 😁
I have previously thought of instruction as teaching, and it is, but it is more than that. It is rebuke, admonishment, and correction as well. It is "guidance in the way of truth," and it comes in many different forms. Whenever we have read Proverbs before, I had always associated myself with those who received instruction, and didn't understand why anyone would not want to have instruction. Instruction is wonderful! (Doctrine, theology, Christian living, etc., is what I was thinking of.) Now I understand why so many detest disdain, and will not listen to instruction, and now I see that I was one of them. Instruction is not exactly what I thought it was. Rebuke. Correction. Counsel. Advice. Suggestions. It once would have made me inwardly cringe just to read those words. But I have come to realize that receiving instruction is wisdom disguised as humility. The rod and rebuke give wisdom... hear instruction, and be wise... We say we want wisdom, but do we really?
Ah, so now I could see my great sin and folly. After confessing it to God, receiving His forgiveness, and asking for His grace, I needed to start fixing my ways. But how? It seemed so difficult! Oh, how I had hated instruction! To embrace it was a difficult task to say the least. But I was encouraged, as I flipped back through my underlined verses, by one simple word that I found on pretty much every page: HEAR. Yes, that's the first step. As I thought about conversations I had had where I had rejected instruction, I realized that I had always neglected that first step. Let me run through a made-up example that could have been true to show you what I realized I would have been thinking as it was happening:
"Katarina!" Oh no, what did I do wrong? "You forgot..." Ugh! Seriously! Why am I always forgetting stuff! This is so frustrating! I'm not a forgetful person, I'm not! It's just that I have so much work to do. If they want me to be a perfect person, I'll show them that I'm a perfect person. Right here, I've already refused to hear the rebuke. I've determined to justify myself so she can see that I'm really not what she thinks I am... and mostly try to fake myself into thinking that I'm not who I really am, either. "...to clean the stove." Why didn't I clean the stove? Oh, right! And I answer, "I tried, but ---- (x,y,z excuse.)" Most times my answers, like this one, only just proclaimed more of my folly. But even if I did have a good excuse, the important thing is that I didn't listen to instruction, didn't receive rebuke, and didn't hear correction. I always had an explanation. I see now that "hearing" is over half the battle!
Changing this habit has been hard, but His grace has been sufficient. I will be the first to admit that occasionally, even now, when I hear, "Katarina!" I can sometimes think to myself, "Oh no, what now?" It is especially difficult when someone addresses something that I already know to be a weakness of mine. However, I do testify to God's abundant grace in my life, and this area has seen much change. It began when I took it to God in prayer, broken, asking Him to fill me with His grace and change my heart. Little by little, battle by battle, as I have rested in His strength and walked in the Spirit, this changed from a habit to a weakness that is daily being strengthened. When I would fail though, {which is always because I have not trusted in His grace to do right} I battled loads of discouragement. This is partly where this post came from. God taught me that to dwell on discouragement is unprofitable, and that His mercy is sufficient to completely wash all my sins away, and I needed to trust His grace to get up again and offer the sacrifice of righteousness. (Psalm 4:5.) I have been so encouraged many times by the verse, "A righteous man may fall seven times, and rise again..." (Proverbs 24:16.)
The second step was to learn to love instruction. I began by asking God to please give that love to me, as it didn't come naturally. I still have much to learn in this area, but my eyes began to open to the fact that if I could just HEAR and RECEIVE instruction, that my life would literally start to be transformed, daily. Wisdom? It already exists. Truth? Law? Counsel? It's there. Godly, biblical advice? It's available in abundance. Nothing was keeping me from being wise besides my own disdain for it and refusal to listen to it. I know that I'm still not totally perfect in this area, nor do I expect that I ever will be, but the Lord's grace has been obvious to me here. Whereas I used to feel my spirit tie up in knots whenever someone gave me even just a suggestion, He has been helping me to hear rebukes, corrections, and endless suggestions with an obedient ear, and be thankful for them!! This is not something I could do on my own! My previous life testifies to that! When I'm tempted to recoil and defend myself, I always ask for His grace to deny myself and do the right thing, using His strength. I also often quote Scripture to myself. My favorite is "Hear instruction, and be wise, and do not disdain it." I have it posted around the house, too. The killer of my songs, the crusher of my smiles, the heavy, heavy weight of dread that I used to carry around, is gone, and my relationship with my parents has improved so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, sooooooooooo much. It has sky-rocketed! I never realized that my disobedient ear put such a barrier between us. Now I'm closer to them than I ever imagined I could be, really!
Why is listening so important? Because he who is humble enough to lend an obedient ear by hearing wisdom even when disguised in its apparently-ugliest form, correction, treads the unbeaten and narrow path to possessing true wisdom in its most glorious form.
Therefore, folly's nightmare is... an obedient ear.
Like an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
~ Proverbs 25:12
The Lord graciously gives wisdom. (Proverbs 2:6, James 1:5.) May the Lord grant me the grace to accept it, regardless of how low I have to stoop to receive it.
~ To The Utmost Glory Of God. ~
The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise.
~ Proverbs 15:31.