"Modesty is such a beautiful word!" my mother told me one day. "But when most people think of modesty, they only think of one part of the word."
I listened with attention, reflecting on what I had previously been thinking modesty was. I love these car conversations with mama - God has given her a lot of wisdom, and as we talked, my eyes were opened to a new realization.
Is it possible to dress 'modestly' and be immodest?
It really is!
As I keep finding, it is vitally important to make sure that we define the words we use. So let's take a look at the word "modesty." What does it actually mean? It's a long definition, but I think it's worth the time.
(Taken from Webster's 1828 Encyclopedic Dictionary Of The English Language)
MODESTY//
1. That lovely temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's worth and importance. The temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manner, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.
2. Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity, or impudence. Thus we say, "the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed his audience with modesty."
3. Moderation; decency.
4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.
Aaaaahhhh. I felt like I was drinking a cold cup of water as I read that. It made me so happy! Thank you, Mr. Webster!!
I admit that for years when I thought of modesty, I thought of long skirts, shirts with sleeves, etc. But that's only part of the definition. Actually, it's less than that! Even that last section doesn't even mention clothing. It defines modesty as "purity of manners." Why did I ONLY think about clothing when I thought of modesty then?
After I read this definition, I was reminded of someone. This man was pretty much a walking definition of modesty, and his name is:
George Washington.
I have a younger brother who was obsessed with George Washington for quite a long time, and I don't really blame him. We can all learn something from this man who feared God. George started off very humbly, and he never seemed to forget that. Though most likely the most popular man in America at his time, he was said to never break any of his rules of civility. (You should read them by the way! They're inspiring) and constantly - when I say constantly I mean constantly - had house guests that he entertained with much grace.
Though not perfect, George Washington was a modest man, a wonderful example - and guess what! George Washington had a role model. I heard that every single morning, he had an appointment with that Man through reading His Words and by praying to Him.
But now let's talk about that definition of modesty. It was intriguing to read that last section, about modest women. It wasn't very different from the definition for everyone in general. In fact, it's starts out, "In females, modesty has the like character as in males..." I was keeping my eyes open the whole time for a mention of clothing, and it doesn't even mention it. It's the definition of modesty, and it doesn't make one mention of dress!
I've spent some time thinking about this definition and here are my conclusions:
Humility & Modesty Are Twins:
"As an act, or series of acts, modesty consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity, or impudence."
I asked myself, "What is modesty the opposite of?" I believe modesty is the opposite of clamorousness, which is a way proud people act. If modesty is the opposite of prideful clamorousness, a synonym for modesty must be humility. The very essence of modesty is found in humility. In other words, humility is effervescent in modesty. To have one is to have the other - they do not exist apart. Modesty is the outward reflection of the humble and content state of our hearts, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves, knowing it is undeserved.
So... what ought our clothing to be?
Proverbs 31 gives us two verses on clothing. Verses 22 + 25:
She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
~ Proverbs 31:22
In case you didn't know, during the time the book of Proverbs was written, purple dye was made from a type of rare snails. Slaves without eyes would be chained to a stone that would crush these snails and extract the purple dye from it. Because it was so rare, and because of the strenuous process, (Samson was likely one of these slaves! Look it up!) purple cloth was extremely expensive and only royal families and wealthy people wore it. This is the virtuous woman's clothing... fine linen and purple!! Who says modest means frumpy? Unfortunately, I see a lot of people using that phrase, "Who says modest means frumpy?" and making it their excuse for spending hours and hours and hours not only in front of the mirror, but also researching fashion, exploring fashion, buying fashionable clothes, and rearranging them around their closet and outfits. I don't think 'fashion' was the idea here. The Proverbs 31 woman dressed beautifully to point to the beauty and majesty of God for His glory, and then she went on with her life, because she had her priorities straight.
Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.
~ Proverbs 31:25
Strength is a quality that wimpy women do not possess. Imagine a wimpy woman in your head - I’m sure you can picture her. She is often either obsessed with her appearance, or does nothing for it. Her priorities are all out of line, she isn’t confident in what she’s exactly supposed to do, so she spends her time frivolously, doing a little of this and a little of that.
A woman with strength, on the other hand, has strength of character and, consequently, strength of body, while relying on the strength of the Lord. Strength of character, because she knows what her Master has asked her to do, and is diligently going about that. Strength of body, because she knows she needs to be strong in order to efficiently obey His commands. But she also knows that she is nothing, and all of her strength comes from the All-Powerful. This woman's face is something to see! Her eyes usually twinkle, her face is usually full of depth, grace, and joy, and it is pleasant to view because she has taken care of it physically, yes, but most importantly, she knows that what she projects on her face will reflect the character that God has shaped her into and the gratitude she has for all He has done.
The Greek word also denotes personal, social, or political strength! God uses women fully submitted to Him like this in ways that are so beyond what we would ever come up with, and are so undeserved.
Honor… The definition of the Greek Word for this was not what I was expecting!! I was expecting it to mean that she is so honoring of others, that she is known for that as a ‘clothing' of sorts. But it actually means that she is honor-able. These are the definitions:
Magnificence, i.e. ornament or splendor:—beauty, comeliness, excellency, glorious, glory, goodly, honour, majesty.
To put it simply, she understands the glorious beauty of God and His holiness in designing her the way He did for His glory, so in gratitude, she acts upon that, making herself honorable to behold. This also gives honor to others, and treats them with respect, because, when done correctly, it proclaims that:
1) She is content and grateful to God for giving her beauty to glorify Him with.
2) She knows for what reason she was created and is joyfully, contentedly going about her God-given work with excellence as her goal.
3) She values the presence of others and is dressing in a way that acknowledges their worth and the fact that she is willing to spend extra time to appear pleasant and beautiful for them to behold.
One practical way to live out the above thoughts is to first take some time to check the state of our hearts. For what reason do we dress the way we do, specifically? WHY do we have the modesty standards we do?
Then, we can take a look at our closets. Do our clothes reflect the state of our heart? Do they have ‘sacrifice, beauty, glory, honor, and strength of character' written all over them? (Not literally. :D) We can flip through our clothes and ask ourselves, “What is my goal when I wear this piece of clothing?” Is it truly to point to Christ? Or have I fit a sliver of myself in there?” I’m not going to go so far as to say immediately throw it out (depends on the piece though… : ) but use discernment.
I did this with my closet, and was very surprised at what it revealed about my heart. I remember one particular outfit that was ‘modest,’ as one might call it. It covered me, and drew the attention to my face, but there was one little detail about it that I could carefully make it seem like I had accidentally overlooked that would take the glory for myself in a subtle and indiscernible way. I felt ‘good’ when I wore it. I was outwardly modest, but inwardly felt like I was getting what I wanted. I was using the clothes in my closet to secretly idolize myself above God, and look perfectly ‘holy’ in the process. What ugliness of character! I despised that in myself, and repented with bitter remorse. I surrendered my closet to Him, fixed the spot so that I could no longer do that, and have set safeguards for myself so that it doesn't happen again. One is quoting 1 Peter 3:3-4 often to myself while getting dressed. I realize that the clothes hanging in my closet reflect the state of my heart: the passion I have for the glory of God, and percentage of glory that I want to deflect from Him to myself.
May He continually conform my mind and actions and closet so that less and less and less of me appears in it, until there is no more ‘me’ (meaning 'the glory of me') at all! Then He will be clearly seen, and I know it will be beautiful, because He is the ‘fairest of the fair.’
~ To The Utmost Glory Of God ~
P.S. Special thanks to my friend Amanda Martin for contributing some of her GORGEOUS shots to the post!